Sam "Can you give me a dream?"

Every night at bedtime Sam asks me for a back-rub and a dream.

Last night

S -Tell me the story of me.

M -  (Sigh)  on May 15th 2008 you were born. Doctors had to be sure you were ready to come out and join the world. After poking a needle in me that was this long (---------) , they decided you were ready, and the time was set for you to be born the next day.

S - A needle THAT BIG!

M - Yes, and that needle made you MAD! You must have thought "FORGET this place, it's no longer safe and fun, I'm outta here!" You wanted out NOW! I have never felt so much pain. Christian, and Maddy when they decided to come out didn't hurt mommy so bad.

S - Heheheh, I was strong!

M - Yes you were, and I knew that you wouldn't wait very long! So grandma drove me to the hospital VERY fast. We were just at the doctor's office, but the hospital you were to be born at was 20 minutes away. I did not like grandmas driving, she hit every bump and took every turn very fast. OUCH!
Meanwhile everyone got the call that you were coming fast. Daddy was at work dressed fancy, Christian was having at play date with aunt K and the cousins, and Maddy was with GaGa at the zoo.
Maddy had just gotten a snow cone that she had begged GaGa to buy, but had to throw it away.

S - Is that why Maddy hates me so much? We should buy her a snow cone for her birthday!

M - That's a great idea, she would love that!

S - I don't know what her favorite color is, so we'll just get rainbow. Then she'll like me.

M - Maddy loves you, she was so happy to hold you for the first time. I'll show you pictures tomorrow that show happy she was!

S - Did daddy hold me too?

M - Yes daddy was the first one to hold you. Back to my story.... Daddy got there in the nick of time! And grandma went to go buy a camera, but the doctor told her there was no time. Off I whet to go have little Samuel.

S - I thought I was a big baby.

M - Nope, although you were very strong you were born tiny. But everyday you grow bigger and stronger.

S - Will I be Superman someday?

M - I'm sure you will!

Schooools out for summer!

The first year of middle school is over for Christian, and he's on cloud 9! He was ready for middle school this year and believed he would like it better than grade school.

It was the first year -

I was not invited to go on field trips.

He did not share all the happenings of his social life.

I was not asked to volunteer.

He didn't ask or need help on a science experiment.

I couldn't keep up with or understand his math assignments.

Heck, I didn't even get to bring cupcakes on his birthday!!!

However, he did get straight A's the entire year long, so I guess I'll just sit back and watch my boy fly!

Make a wish

 Take a penny and turn around, close your eyes then make your wish. Throw that penny over your shoulder, and look for the day your wish comes true. - Brandalyn

No he would not tell me his wish - "It won't come true!"

Teaching little Emma how to make her wishes. 

 "I hope it comes true, I hope it comes true!"

I think Emma wanted to go swimming with the fishies :) We had to keep an eye on her!

I too wanted to make a wish. So I asked Sam what he thought I should ask for. "Wish to be Wonder Woman!" 

Garbage Monster!

Emmalyn wakes up extra early on Wednesday mornings. She hears the first pass of the garbage trucks, and my dream gets interrupted by this 2-year-old insisting we go see.

I am my kid's mom

This life of mine is crazy and hectic. My children all have different personalities and temperaments. I've learned and continue to learn each of them as they individually are made. Accepting them for who they are and learning the best ways to help them reach their full potential...that is my job as their mom. To be the best mom I can be I also need to be my husbands wife. Showing our kids I love and respect their dad, the head of our household.

I have learned to follow my instincts as a mom. I know my children better than anyone else, no one has their interests at heart more than I. I have so much power as a mom, and I know I am not perfect. I've made many mistakes! Therefore I have learned to keep an open mind and question everything, even things I think are right...because I may be wrong!

Nothing could have prepared me for being a mom to these 4 kids. It's a role that is sometimes daunting, scary, and very tiring. But it is also exciting, fun, and very rewarding. I am so blessed to have God always watching out for me, and the Holy Spirit guiding me along.

Kindergarten Roundup is TOMORROW!!!

Image taken from http://gladstone.k12.or.us/elementary/

I'm a little... Ok, a lot saddened by Samuel starting kindergarten next fall. We've held him back from starting this last year and I regret that tough decision. He longs for friendship and makes every kid he meets at the park his best friend. However, I am thankful for this last year! He and Emmalyn have become very close buddies!

He is an amazingly bright kid! His mind is always asking questions about the world around him. He'll seek to find the answers himself but knows when to ask for help.

"How does the stoplight know when the other light is green?" "Why does the bathwater go up when I get in?" "How do caps in my gun explode?" I use Google as my teacher's aide, as he can sometimes exhaust me with all his questions! I'm learning so much lately (ask what I know about grenades)!

Sometimes he gets a bit frustrated with concepts that he doesn't fully understand because of his maturity level. "Why does Batman not reveal who he is to the world?"

Today's self-made, self-organizing, and most importantly, self-initiated experiment! -

How long does it take for water to freeze?

Filled a cup with 1/2 water

Placed in the freezer

Marked time on a pad of paper (Knew half of the numbers, which too was self-taught)

Set a timer for his hypothesis - 1hr (So cute)

I will have to make sure his love of science and learning is not stifled by public school! And I'm sure like other kids, he'll grow to LOVE recess above all other subjects. :) However, I am confident he will never lose that ingrained love of learning! It is part of his personality. (the commander).

Time's up!  I hope he's not too disappointed it's not frozen! We'll need a new hypothesis. :)

UPDATE 

Sam is attending a new STEM school. Tonight he needed dates of events that have shaped his worldview (due tomorrow)!! I loved this assignment! He was having a hard time thinking of events...So to my blog, we went. Found this post Sam remembered that's when he met his future BFF. He's been in the same class with this friend for 13 years (minus last year when she switched to this STEM school). God once again took what I felt was a bad event and used it for his glory.

**I really should stop questioning God's hand in my life! Instead, just put my hand up and sing "Jesus take the wheel!"  😆

My not so clean house

I've got 4 sticky, messy, busy, don't care about the state of our house kids. My house is in a constant state of dirty chaos! Wait..make that 5 kids, Dane's a big offender! I'm learning to let go of the picture in my head of what a clean house should look like for the sake of my sanity.

So cleaning now consists of this...

I sweep daily. Because who wants dirty pirate feet from walking around the house.

I clean the bathroom floor ONLY when a tub full of water gets splashed on the floor. It gets cleaned often :)

My two littles LOVE spray bottles. So I let them do the dusting, just wish they didn't use half the bottle!

Dishes are much more entertaining with the help of a 2 yr old and BUBBLES!

Laundry is my never ending story!

The littles think that cleaning the litter box is like digging for treasure. HAVE FUN KIDS!!

(I can't believe I found this picture)

Clean counters, and clean toes!

I'm a perfectionist, but having happy kids is more important than a clean house! 

Co-sleeping vs Sleep Training

Taken from http://dirtydiaperlaundry.com/

LOVE this blog

Worst thing about co-sleeping...

Some nights end like this! Not very comfortable!

Worst thing about sleep training...

I don't feel like this at all...I miss being squished!

Making new friends!

Being a SAHM can be very lonely. Especially when you want to have an adult conversation or see a "grown up" movie. But making friends and keeping them requires time, my precious, precious time.

They want to "hang out"!??

NO we can't! The baby has to NAP!!! HE HAS TO NAP!!!

Time was not something I felt I had (heck I didn't even think I had time for a shower). But duh, those friends would have LOVED to come over and snuggle my babies while I took a shower! I had four of them I could have shared. ;)

So the few friends I had made at school and work went on the back burner. A back burner I didn't even keep warm.
I am blessed with an amazing extended family. But that was my only circle, and when faced with difficult times I realized how different we all were. So the years of neglecting old friends and not making new ones caught up to me. I felt very alone during a time I needed support and love. Family will always put family first, but that doesn't exactly mean we're BFFs.
Since I started my journey of reconnecting with old friends and making myself more available to new ones, I've been lifted up and have lifted up others. What an amazing feeling, it feels good to be there for others! We all have our trials and joys that we want to share with our FRIENDS.

You'll sleep when your dead

Two kids go to bed early and rise at the crack of dawn, and the other two are responsible for getting themselves to bed. If bedtimes and early risers were my only enemies, I wouldn't be writing this in my sleep deprived state. I'm also the go to parent when it comes to middle of the night crises. 

"Mom I can't sleep"

"Mom I had a bad dream"

"Mom I'm about to, to, PUKE"

"WHAA BINKIE"

I've always been the midnight parent not because it's been decided. The kids just know Mom’s faster at shaking off the fog of sleep.

The sun always comes too soon! Coffee is my new best friend! And snuggles also help me wake. I just wish I could shake off those resentful feelings on the mornings that I've had another WORST NIGHT EVER!

Yes, last night was another rough night. I feel if I at least had balance of good nights and bad, I'd be more able to handle what life throws at me. Lately the nights have been teetering down.

Prayers are appreciated. Advice not so much, We'll figure get through this stage of life togehter. But if anyone throws out the saying "You'll sleep when you're dead." I'll punch them in the face then blame it on my psychotic sleep deprived state. Yeah, I'd never really do that but the image would flash before pacifist eyes. 

Hugs all around to mommies everywhere! We're all in this together, we'll get through this together! Then someday look back on these days with only happy memories. Just like giving birth!  LOL! 

Growing up is hard to do!

Growing up is hard enough without parents making mistakes hindering that growth. I love my kids and would never intentionally do that. But I have been made aware that in some cases, I was doing just that.

Emmalyn is going through the "I want only Mommy" phase. Where she would once go happily to Grandma and Dane, and now is hesitant. Lately, she required time to warm up. So as to not upset Emmalyn I would let her do just that. But the time it took to warm up was becoming longer and longer.

One morning I had just woken up with Emma and needed to pee. I had carried her downstairs and asked Dane to take her so I could go to the bathroom. As I went to hand her over, she clanged to me and whined. Dane insisted she'd be fine, but I didn't want her to cry for me while gone so I took her with me. At that moment while sitting on my throne with Emma on my lap I realized what I was doing. I was damaging the relationship she had with her father. The same relationship where she would gladly go to daddy every Saturday morning, to let mommy get some much need sleep in time with Sam. Dane's a great father! He knows how to make our kids comfortable and happy. In fact, he's the clown in our house bringing seriousness down a notch, helping us all to see the see the bright side of life! He's quickly fixed the gap between him and Emma, I just needed to let it happen.

Next, I'd like to share some insight Maddy gave me. One night while getting Sam and Emma ready for bed with me (yes they still bed share my bed), she asked me when I was going to get them sleeping in their own beds. Advising me (yes my 10yr old) that they would never be able to get to sleep on their own if they didn't learn soon. Those of you who know what she is going through now, know how much meaning that statement meant!

HMM.. any thoughts on how to get Sam and Emmalyn to start comforting themselves without my hair. I really hate the hair pulling! OUCH. Yes, it's loving to put your kids' needs above your own, but I believe it's blinded love to not differentiate between wants and needs. What they need is to be able to comfort their selves with out mommy, I can't always be there.

Exhausted Mama of 4 kids, and several pets

Wake up. "Get up! You can do this!!"  

Christian's ready. 

Get Sam ready.

Drive Sam to school... "Tuck and roll!"

"Coffee! STONG Coffee!!!"

Drop Christian... "Make good choices!"

Tug of war w/ M*... Negotiations, some classes ensure.

Make dinner if not in the crockpot.

Soccer!!!

Then, "Hi hon... let me update you." 

Nope, we've been interrupted.

Dinner, "hurry, eat, or you're going to bed!"

Bed for Emma. 

"Hello, love, let me update you." 

Nope, we've been interrupted, again. 

Bed for Sam.

Ahh, alone time... "let me update you!" 

Crap, now the big kids want to... 

Vent/talk/ laugh. "Hey, dad wanna play video games with me, after I've helped them with the homework I couldn't do earlier because Sam and Emma were bugging me?"

Cat and Maddy's bedtime... " I can't find the cat.. will you help me look for it?" 

Later I will need to open my bedroom door at ?? 4 am because the cat's finished lightly clawing at my daughter's face for attention MEOOOW... MEOW! "I will wake everyone else up if you don't let me OOOUT" I now hate this cat. 

Thank God Christian is independently on his own and takes off for school. 

9th Grade is a B*!! Good luck child of mine! 

4 am...Emma's rolling around knotting up my hair. "Binky, Binky!" 

Crap! I can't find the her frigin pacifier!!

I kick Sam in the face while trying to ninja out of bed, who's lying horizontally as he's sleep battling lego ninjas. I try to comfort him, telling him it's just a dream, and I'm here. An appreciative response, "I HATE YOU!"

https://trishtaylorcalligraphy.blogspot.com/#

Oh the craziness!

This video was taken almost 4 months ago. I can't believe how much bigger Emmalyn has gotten, and how much crazier my life has become!

Look what Maddy did to me!

Stay at Home Moms

Here are a few posts from my favorite radio station Dr. Laura. They are well worth the read! As well as her new book "In praise for stay at home moms", the prefect Mothers Day gift.

Babies Need Love, Not Day Care

This letter is from a listener who wishes to remain anonymous:
Dr. Laura:I totally agree with you about how bad day care is, and how damaging it is for children. Recently, I saw a mother who had just picked up her 18-month-old daughter from day care at 6 o’clock! That’s basically what time my kids go to bed! The baby was crying, grabbing at the mother’s skirt, and refusing to let go. The mother was getting annoyed, and kept saying, “Why are you acting like this? What’s wrong?”
I felt so upset. What a dumb question! You neglected your baby for the entire day, she missed you, and is exhausted and stressed, and you’re surprised that she’s acting that way?
I would think that a mother who has her child in day care the entire day would be the one crying and showering love and attention on her baby instead of getting mad at her. The baby should be mad at the parent, not the other way around.
And then, because parents don’t see their baby all day, they put them to bed too late, which makes them more stressed and makes it even harder for them to cope with their emotions in day care. When we, as parents, are tired, it’s hard not to be fussy. Well, imagine what it’s like for a baby! It’s MUCH harder for them to handle being tired. Parents need to do what’s best for their children, not what’s best for themselves, and if they don’t want to, or if they think their children shouldn’t stand in the way of their doing what they want, then don’t have them!
Why bring children into the world to give them to others to raise? Why bring children into the world if you are giving them the message that your job and your life are more important than them? For those that say “Well, I’m just not the type to be home with my kids,” or “I can’t handle being with kids,” then don’t have them!
I know of far too many babies that get attached to their nannies, and spend more time with them than with their own parents. These babies wonder why their “parent” (that is, the nanny) is leaving them for the night. Not only do they not have their real parents during most of the day, but then they don’t have their “nanny parent” either.
Sometimes, people say “I want my kids to have the best - the best car, the best house, the best toys.” Believe me, things are not what makes a baby happy. Love and attention and kindness are what makes them happy.
How sad.
And then people wonder why children are so troubled, and why they “act out,”and why they would do anything for attention. If a mother MUST work to feed her family, I understand, but the attitude shouldn’t be that day care is the first choice. The attitude needs to be “how sad that she cannot care for her baby.”
I think it’s nuts that people think it’s sad that my baby is home with me. She is definitely happier than all the crying babies in the playground, but all the working mothers will never know that their babies are crying, falling, or are just plain exhausted.

Can’t Beat This Argument for Moms-At-Home

From a listener to my radio program:
Dr. Laura, I want to thank you for the special moments that you helped me have. As a listener, my husband and I decided that I would stay home with our 2 month old baby boy even before he was born. I must admit that it’s hard financially, but we understand that our son is more important than luxury.
Yesterday, I had a “tear-jerker” moment. After feeding my son, I got up and started to clean the room. After a while, I saw him moving. He was putting his little hand above his head, feeling for the place where my arm had just been. Then he stretched his arms and legs in front of him where I had been lying before. I realized he was looking for me. His little face began to prepare to cry. I then placed my hand on his side. “I’m right here, baby.” He then opened his eyes. On seeing me, he smiled his gummy smile.
I stayed there, smoothing out his hair, until he fell back to sleep, but I couldn’t help thinking, what if I had been at work? What if he was with a sitter or at day care? I wouldn’t have had that moment, and he wouldn’t have been comforted. I know, because I used to work at a day care center - he would have been left crying, because he had been fed and his diaper had been changed.
As an ex-day care worker, I know that children are not cared for lovingly. They just have their physical needs met, but not their emotional needs. There were so many kids who called me “mommy,” and that was only because I was doing her job while doing mine. The fact was, “mommy” wasn’t there. But I was and am here for our son. Thank you.

My take on all of this.... I just know there is no way that anyone could love my kids as much as I do!
Therefore, I would never give them over to someone who cares just as equally about my children as they do the other 30 kids that they are paid to watch. Besides why pay someone for the job that I so desperately tried to get! It wasn't easy for me to get pregnant with my kids (about a year of trying with each of them!) and we had a lot of touch and go moments especially with Samuel! God has given me the most precious gift of all being a mom.

Co-sleeping

Yes, I co-sleep with Sammy! I also co-slept with Christian and Maddy as well. I bought a crib for Christian when I was pregnant as all expectant mothers do, but he never ended up using it. There's a great debate on whether babies should co-sleep or not. For me, the decision came very easily. Baby Christian one morning stopped breathing for about a minute and was subsequently diagnosed with sleep apnea. He was only 2 months old, it was about 5 in the morning and he was sleeping next to me. I'm a very light sleeper and I've always slept in sync with him. I could always tell when his breathing pattern was changing and he was about to wake up to nurse. Having him in bed with me made late-night nursing easier and I got more sleep that way. However that morning I felt him become very still, too still, with no rhythmic breathing. I took a second and put my hand on his chest, when I felt nothing I woke up Dane freaking out. We carried him to another room where there was more light. Together it took what seemed like forever (was actually like a minute) to get him to wake up and start breathing again! After a few nights in the hospital with the diagnosis of sleep apnea, doctors said I had probably stopped SIDS! After that day I researched a lot about SIDS and talked with his pediatrician. I came to the decision to continue to co-sleep, rather than put him to sleep on a movement monitor every night.  I learned babies' brains "remember" to breathe when they are next to a parent and can hear/feel them breathing! I'm not saying it's for everyone! Some parents are heavy sleepers, they might roll over on them or get the baby caught up in the bedding. Me, however, I've always been cursed as a light sleeper. I think becoming a mom does that!

All this said the thing I love the most about co-sleeping is the closeness! Every night Sammy likes to reach his little hands up and rub my face, or pull on my hair until he falls asleep. This is the best feeling in the world!

The picture up top is of him in his Amby bed. He loves to take naps in it. To the left is a picture of Sam napping in the cradle Grandpa L* made. He looks so tiny rolled up into a little ball.

I'm now in the world of blogging!

I've always wanted to start a blog, but after reading other people's blogs I thought mine would be so boring to read. All I ever do is get up in the morning make breakfast, do as much cleaning as I can with a 5 month old, and pick up kids from school. Help with homework, make dinner (if Dane's lucky), then get the kids off to bed. All this just to start over again the next day. 

"I believe I can see the future... Every day is exactly the same"

But then I realized something the other day. Maddy was doing something absolutely hilarious! She was helping her new kitten reach a bug at the top of a window so she could bat it and try to catch the bug. She kept saying "Come on you can do it, I know you can!" She's so stinking cute! I told Dane about it later, but we'll never remember something like that years from now! I enjoy our kids so much and they are growing up in front of my eyes. But those memories just won't stick for us or possibly them! I take tons of videos and pictures, and this will add just one more thing for me to look back on to cry in joy! So this blog is more for me than for anyone who wants to read it. So please don't patronize me for spelling or grammar errors. Remember I was the adrenaline junky that went to the police academy to be a 911 dispatcher and babysit cops, tell firefighters where to go, and help deliver babies over the phone (came so close to this happening to me). I skipped out on the 4-year degree and followed my dream. Then later a whole other dream of having a family became a reality. Dane and I never travel (except for our yearly run to Disneyland), we don't own expensive cars, and our house is tiny and always a mess thanks to 2 and soon-to-be three messy kids. I hardly read, heck the only ME time I get is watching ER reruns thanks to our DVD player! You're very welcome to come and see what's new with our family and all the crazy things my kids are doing! Family is the most important thing to me! I love being my kids' mom!

July 4th 1994

Redland school.. fireworks flying. This is the date we tied ourselves to each other. Didn't know it then but 4 kids later, trial after trial... we're still here and looking forward to the vacations to come! LOL 

Photo by Ayla Fazioli from Pexels