Not my puzzle - God's

 Psalms 37:5 says, “Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.”

I need to let go of my ideas of how God will deliver me and just trust Him. When I put my trust in God, that means to understand that trying to figure out things that are too great for my mind to comprehend is futile and can lead me astray. I will TRUST in the same God that proved it may look like there is no other direction to go, but GOD is the way! He too will part waters for me if needed.

I acknowledge this is very hard for me. I'm always looking at the many pieces around me crossing my path. I am constantly testing pieces in my mind to see how they fit, and what the picture would look like.

At first, it looks something like this...

But eventually a picture comes into focus...

So many pictures I've seen, but thus far I have yet to see a complete picture with smooth edges all fit in their rightful beautiful place. That picture only God sees! Who am I to shake the X-mas presents under the tree before the big day!

I can't change the fact I may miss small details and am constantly looking to my intuition to show a bigger picture. But I can sit back and admire God's amazing creation! Even in the darkest of times, I know God's masterpiece in the end will be more than you or I could ever fathom!

Grandpa L*

During my trip to Salt Lake for my Grandpa's 90th birthday, I learned so much about this accomplished man. Listening to stories, scouring scrapbooks, but best of all was his 90th birthday memory book! Family and friends contributed with photos and favorite memories. Stories about fishing, camping, traveling, friendship, teaching, etc. My favorite stories were all the many tall tales of how Grandpa lost his pinkie finger. On the night of his birthday, he finally came clean with the truth!!!

19 years flying experience! 

Cuz leavin on a Jet Plane

Grandpa L* is turning 90! I'm looking forward to spending time with him and family. I'm sure this celebration will be filled with lots of memories! 

I must admit though, I'm also looking forward to a few nights sleeping in a hotel room. I can't wait to roll around in my bed with pillows all to myself. I plan on sleeping sideways across the entire king sized bed!! WHOO HOOO!!

So kiss me and smile for me! 

October Select Mustim Awareness Month

Selective mutism (formally known as elective mutism) is a disorder that usually occurs during childhood. It is when the child does not choose to speak in at least one social setting. However, the child can speak in other situations.

 -INFJ friend

Anxiety

Crushes your spirit
Strangles your voice
Tricks your mind
Replaces your joy
Steals your time
Blankets your eyes
Paralyzes your feet

Suffocates your soul

words by – Abigail’s Mom

Art by art by EvitagenEm

 Mama Cheetah Saves Her Cub

Mama Cheetah lounged on a rock while watching baby cheetah run across the Savannah plains.  Her baby was a fast runner, the fastest cheetah she’d ever seen. Mama perks up as she sees baby rounding a curve at full speed. For Mama Cheetah knew baby, who loved to run, was sometimes hindered from a wound that had never healed.

Just as Mama Cheetah stands, baby disappeared from sight.  Running as fast as she could mama arrived to find baby had fallen into a great big hole.  The fracture in the earth was dark, scary and very, very deep.

Mama Cheetah circled the hole and was relieved to see a way out.  Someone had placed a ladder to assist anyone who might fall in.

“Everything’s going to be just fine! Climb up the ladder and you’ll be free!”

Mama looks down to see her daughter pacing in front of the ladder.

“I can’t, I can’t!” Baby Cheetah cried.

“What’s wrong? Why can’t you just climb the ladder?”

Baby Cheetah continued to pace in front of the ladder, growing more and more frustrated.  Her sad chirps changed to angry growls.

“The ladder is covered with scary bugs! I can’t climb up it!”

Mama Cheetah knew baby’s fear, and needed to think of a way to save her!  She knew it would be impossible to climb down and carry her up by herself. Baby cheetah was now too big to carry like she used to in the safe clutches of her teeth.  Mama then realized the only way she could help her baby, was to coach her out.

“You can do it, the bugs can’t hurt you.” Mama said calmly.

“But they’re scary, and I’m scared, I’m scared, I’m scared!” Baby cheetah chanted over and over again.

“Just count to three, close your eyes, and start climbing!” Mama said calmly.

Hesitating, baby cheetah paced and growled in front of the ladder.

“DO IT NOW!” Mama, roared.

“One, two, THREE!” Baby cheetah closed her eyes and started climbing up the ladder. With every step the bugs on each rung became fewer and fewer.

“I’m doing it!” Baby cheetah cried proudly.

“You’re doing it!” Mama cheetah cried proudly.

Just a few steps from the top Mama cheetah could see baby’s face beaming with pride.  Baby cheetah planted her feet on the ground and nodded to Mama.  She then darted off into the sunset of the Savannah, faster than Mama cheetah had ever seen her baby run.

 -Abigail's Mom

Cast the first stone!

Last weeks message from Pastor E. The story of Jesus attending a dinner at Simon s house.....

Jesus Anointed by a Sinful Woman

36 When one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him, he went to the Pharisee’s house and reclined at the table. 37 A woman in that town who lived a sinful life learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee’s house, so she came there with an alabaster jar of perfume. 38 As she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them.

39 When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner.”

40 Jesus answered him, “Simon, I have something to tell you.”

“Tell me, teacher,” he said.

41 “Two people owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii,[c] and the other fifty. 42 Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he forgave the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?”

43 Simon replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt forgiven.”

“You have judged correctly,” Jesus said.

44 Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. 45 You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. 46 You did not put oil on my head,but she has poured perfume on my feet. 47 Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.”

48 Then Jesus said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.”

49 The other guests began to say among themselves, “Who is this who even forgives sins?”

50 Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”

What Pastor E* said at the end of this message... It's easy to look at others and see their faults, but God wants you to only look at his magnificent creation.


Homosexuality - 1 Corinthians 6:0-11   Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

Adultery - John 8:4-11 They said to him, “Teacher, this woman has been caught in the act of adultery. Now in the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. So what do you say?” This they said to test him, that they might have some charge to bring against him. Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger on the ground. And as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to them, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.” And once more he bent down and wrote on the ground.   

Idolatry - Jeremiah 10:3-16   For the customs of the peoples are vanity. A tree from the forest is cut down and worked with an axe by the hands of a craftsman. They decorate it with silver and gold; they fasten it with hammer and nails so that it cannot move. Their idols are like scarecrows in a cucumber field, and they cannot speak; they have to be carried, for they cannot walk. Do not be afraid of them, for they cannot do evil, neither is it in them to do good.” There is none like you, O Lord; you are great, and your name is great in might. Who would not fear you, O King of the nations? For this is your due; for among all the wise ones of the nations and in all their kingdoms there is none like you.

Lying - Proverbs 19:5   A false witness will not go unpunished, and he who breathes out lies will not escape.

Greed - Proverbs 11:12    One gives freely,  yet grows all the richer; another withholds what he should give, and only suffers want.

Lust - Matthew 5:28    But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

and the list of sins go on. 


It's so hard not to judge others who you KNOW are judging you. Thoughts that come up.. Well YOU haven't been the best wife, mother, friend, CHRISTIAN either. Heck I'm writing this with several people in mind. But this is what God calls us to do, so I will try harder. And tomorrow will try even harder!

That's my boy!

I simply remember my favorite things

When a dog bites, when a bee stings, when I'm feeling sad... I simply remember my favorite things

Books

I can't believe I've read over 130 books since I created my goodreads account in 2010. I usually go on a book binge and read 5-6 books in a row when life is slow. Then have to quit for a while when things get crazy busy (like right now).

Chocolate

Love, love, love Hershey's! Funny story- Back when I was a 911 dispatcher, when my fellow officers could tell over the radio that I was getting pissy, they'd bring me this treat to make amends.

Coffee

Christian bought me this mug while in Disneyland a year ago. It reminds me how he always thinks of others. When I dread getting out of bed in the morning, I remind myself that this cup is waiting for me.

Writing

I had forgotten how much I loved to write until recently. The purple journal has some of my creative writings that I started at the age of 10!

Photography / Scrapbooking

Love that I can capture memories to be remembered forever.

 Nikon D60 - 55 mm 

Necklace I made

Four baby birds in my nest!

Movies

Sound of Music, The Notebook, Shinning Through, Never Ending Story, Princess Bride, Dazed and Confused, Walk to Remember, Wanted, The Office, Heathers, Twilight, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Just Be, Zombie Land, Labyrinth,Christmas Story.. And many more!

Sam - "Can you give me a dream?" God's plan

After the movie The Spookley (square) Pumpkin, I put Sam to bed with this dream.

David and Goliath - Samuel 1:17-58

The story of David and Goliath is a powerful reminder that even those who are considered different or unworthy can achieve great things if they have faith and trust in God's plan. Both the movie we watched and this biblical account show how being different doesn't matter when facing obstacles. What's important is having faith!

Mark 10:12

I believe this with all my heart. But what is possible only God can decide that, it's up to us to trust he has a plan, and not will things into place. 

Taste and see, that the Lord he is good

Christian had his first taste of wine tonight at confirmation. This was not communion as the wine was not blessed. The reason these 7th graders had a small taste of wine... To understand the reason behind this sacred act.

After their taste, pastor asked what they experienced. Most said how horrible the wine tasted. One girl noted that she felt a slight burn in her throat. Pastor then pointed out that taking communion is a tangible way for us to feel and remember that we are forgiven.

Thank you Pastor E*, for this valuable lesson that Christian was taught tonight. Also a big thank you for my refresher!

How do you spell LOVE?

Sam came home from school yesterday with a new skill. He learned how to spell LOVE! Last night he practiced spelling on my back. With his finger he would trace a letter on my back and I would try to guess the letter. It felt soooo good! Every so often he'd throw in another letter to try and throw me off :) I really did feel loved!

Watching....

Long overdue.. research done on MBTI

After learning what my four letters were, I had a great interest in the Jung theory, wanting to learn what it was all about. After lots of filtering through all the fanfare and misunderstanding I've finally come to a greater understand, and fulfilled the J in me to cross this off my list! 

Learning all the thought processes has helped me to understand why the other person is acting a certain way the.. and not to bring my angst into the picture, they perceive reality a different way that I do.

Reduce conflicts in relationships by knowing and empathizing how the other person thinks.

Personality type.. it's the interface between you and the rest of the world. How you filter information! Of the millions of people on this planet.. patterns can be mapped of how people react to the world. Hence why people have enjoyed reading / watching movies / plays ect. which includes their archetype.

It's easy to understand people that have taken the time to understand how other people tick, have an advantage in being happier in life. Also understanding your strengths and weaknesses.

For me it's easy to understand why we have preferences for one brain function or the other. I remember feeling this as a child. Simplified.. When your learning a new task, what ever function comes easiest and you use it, you will be rewarded w/ sucess. Ball is thrown at you, the decision comes easy to catch it w/ the hand that is dominate. That nuero pathway has just been strengthened. The same is true when you exercise a certain thought process. If you realize as a child it's easier for you to .....

The functions -

Introvert vs Extrovert 

Introversion not to be confused with shy
Extroversion not be confused with outgoing.. There can by shy extroverts, and outgoing introverts!

Intuition vs Sensing

Se- concrete, what is there. Taking information in through your senses.

Sailors delight- red sky in morn sailors be warned. Quote must have been from an Intuitive thinker.

Se thinker - BUT IT'S RAINING NOW!

Don't miss what's in front of your face..when you look for patterns or future output, you may miss things in the here in now.

 Feeling vs Thinking 

70% of women are dominate feelers

70% of men are dominate thinkers

What's fair is fair.. right, NO! We all have a different thought proccess of this!

Fe.. what it fair... feeling, yes Maddy had it last 3 times but we are going on a long trip.. she gets car sick in the back if we are driving a long way.
Te- what is fair... calculations.. who had the front seat last.

Judging vs Perceiving

Judging... Need checkmarks on a project.. start right away.. be on time.. angst if working at last min. Don't get tunnel vision.
Perciving... take in all the information.. procrastinate.. best work done in the last minute.. Project done.. lets look back and see what can be changed.


Yes we are all different but if we work together...

It;s imprortant to think in a colabroative sense. We are all here together. And as a christian.. the work to be done is to understand how to bring us to the same place... HEAVEN where none of these differences matter! God made us different, and loves us the same!

That said.. figure out who you are..

It's easy! 

Example - INJF

Ni - First Function
Fe - Second
Ti- Third
Se - Fourth

Stop and smell the roses?

Captured this yesterday as a single black rain cloud passed over. I loved how the sunlight was magnifying the fat raindrops.
Thought of the saying stop and smell the roses, but some days there are no roses to be had. Beauty in the eye of the beholder.

The littles

I sound like a kid myself ;)

Missing some alone time

This morning I was thinking of all the places I can be kid-less...

Dentist
Bathroom (sometimes)
Hair Salon
Doctors office
Parent-Teacher conferences
Jury Duty

Doctors office daydream 

Nurse comes in.. "What brings you in to see Dr. X?"

"I'm fine, but I did pay the $20 copay... can I just have a half hour to sleep here?"

"Uh.. Okaay, but the exam table is kinda uncomfortable, and it's not very long."

"This is more space than I usually get at night!" "Can you hit the lights on your way out?"

Oh wait I got and even better day dream!

My parents are going on a cruise. They will be gone for 14 days, surely they will want to say goodbye to their grandkids!
As everyone is giving their hugs and kisses, Dane and I sneak out the back with stolen plane and cruise tickets. A note left...

*For those that read this an think...What mother could blog about abandoning their kids!! You don't know me at all. I have a hard time being away from my kids for any length of time! The times I am kid-less makes me value and cherish them all the more when I get that big hug "I missed you mommy!"

Sam - "Can you give me a dream?"

Sam wanted a dream.. but I had no idea what to come up with.

I'll say a word, and you give me an idea. "Moon."

Sam - Moon makes me think of night, I'm scared of the night. Give me a dream about Disneyland.

One night at Disneyland a boy...

Sam - Make sure it's not about me!

Ok.. One night at Disneyland Bobby was scared. Even though he was in the happiest place on earth, he wanted to go home now that it was dark. But his mom had picked out a great spot to what the fireworks.

In the sky, he looked up at the moon and shivered. He was scared of all the things he could not see! He kept looking around at shadows and noises. BOOM! What was that? A monster?

A flash of light soared through the air. The sparks of gold bloomed above the moon. The Disney fireworks had begun! Bobby watched in awe as light filled the sky with magic and wonder. He leaned over and whispered to his mom... I'm not afraid, let's stay a little longer.

Sam - He wasn't afraid anymore?

No, he learned that the beauty of light shows brightest when you're in the dark. The moon, the stars.. and Disney fireworks!

Don't you need to close a tab?

How can I stay focused on the things that matter the most when I have so many damn tabs open? I have got to learn to shut down the ones that don't directly influence my life, now and future goals.

I know there are others like I who have this Ni way of thinking, looking for patterns in everything. Some do this analytically, others like I are more abstract viewing the world through relationships. Regardless, if we stretch ourselves too thin, we become farsighted and can't focus on what's right in front of us.

For me eeekk.. I guess I can close.... hmmmm? Ummmm wow, this is harder than I thought! Too many important things keeping my attention. Guess I'll have to make sure my vision says 20/20!

So want a beautiful web!

This morning watching a spider build its web, I thought about how easy that spider has it. Nothing in it's way to create the perfect web. Its whole life is dependent on building the perfect home. I too feel this need to make things organized and perfected, but rain, wind, and every other element I can think of keeps pulling at my threads. Will keep at it.. someday I will feel the peace sitting in the middle of my lovely web!

Blog under construction

I hate coding! HATE IT, HATE IT, HATE IT! Especially when I have a 2 yr old pulling my hair while I'm trying to THINK!!! About ready to throw my computer. 

Picture to follow.. me throwing this computer!!! Oh wait.. then how will I post it?? LOL 

Picture worth a thousand words

For those that know me, my daughter, and the relationship we have .. you know that this picture speaks volumes to me!

October is Select Mutism Awarness month. When something means a lot to me, I shout it to the world! Learn about it, talk about it! Don't stick you head in the sand.. BTDT doesn't work. I've done a lot of work, and have been published. For this I am proud, for every child should be heard! 

More on this and our journey on my other blog.. please visit and show your support!