Socks!

The other day, my co-worker noticed how tiny my feet are. And then pointed out my cute black matching socks. She was surprised, in a house full of kiddos I took the time to match my socks. I bit back tears of both laughter and sadness, but mostly sadness. If she only knew the story of what socks in my life mean. 

We used to love to miss-match socks. Now, they are required to enter rooms (an OCD thing). However, socks can be fun and free us from time to time. I'll sometimes throw one over Kiddo's or Dane's shoulder for fun. 

We've received & purchased a lot of socks this year! Time to purge some more, as we are again overrun with SOCKS!

Seafood Boil / Gaga's B-day!

Dane doesn't feel good tonight, but I'm sure he'll feel better tomorrow. As for me, I'm trying to find some moments of sanity in the chaos of parenthood. You know what they say, 'Have kids, it'll be fun!' I'll wake in about four short hours to head to the Molalla River with Christian and Sam. Christian's planned a day of gold panning, Sam will enjoy shooting, and I'm taking books and the dog. Ah... the joys of parenting on little sleep. Good thing we have coffee!

It's late I'm tired! Just got done helping M* with routines. 

spoon therory

On this day Christian ran out of spoons 😔. Had to stop and retreat...but he then apologized the next day and he got back on the horse again with college essays. I am extremely proud of my boy...I mean manchild 🤗 You try doing 2 essays a day with one arm tied behind your back!! The OCD monster is a B*TCH. 

Spoon theory - Wikipedia

Our next family member! I hope!!

 

God's perfect plan. We met this little boy last night. The lady who met with us said that she was once assaulted while showing her puppies, so she now meets in public places. What is wrong with people these days? Back to happy thoughts...Seeing her smile again, that's what everyone's looking forward to!!!

OCD, no it isn’t about being a “neat freak”. #ocdrecovery

(istock photo)

I now often wonder if my parenting has directly impacted my son's diagnosis of OCD. Let me walk you back in time... When he was a little guy, he'd help me clean (cleaning is fun when you're a kid, LOL). For example, I'll use cleaning the bathroom. A place where he'll often get stuck while doing OCD compulsions. We'd clean the floor, my side would be spotless, his side well... "Good job, but let's get it just a little bit cleaner." Fast forward to years of perfectionism while in deep despair, he was diagnosed with severe OCD.
How does one get categorized with severe rather than run-of-the-mill OCD? I didn't know either! It's a point system in the DSM(the big book of what's mentally wrong w/ people). The more time spent on compulsions that disrupt your life, the higher you're categorized. My son would spend 3 or more HOURS stuck in that bathroom every night torturing himself! And if his compulsions got him stuck in the middle of the day, keep in mind we have ONE bathroom! But hey! We got to know our neighbors quite well LOL. Thinking back, I really should have used that time to drop seeds of Jesus in their living rooms while waiting for little Emma to pee. ;)
Today we're in a better place thanks to medication and a lot of weekly therapy. It didn't go so smoothly at first, as you can imagine. There were a lot of tears, both his and mine. I am also thankful for my amazing husband, who often had to take charge and Papa bear him to make it to those early therapy appointments. Imagine staying up all night with compulsions, only to have to turn around after just drifting off to sleep to attend a much HATED ERP (exposure and response therapy ((think torture and do nothing about it)).
I'll end this post on a funny note because the picture of our messy lives isn't always just doom and gloom. During one ERP session, the therapist took him into the neighborhood of a downtown city block. The goal was to touch as many germy gross objects and not wash hands for half the day. I know gross, but the chances of getting sick were low, and it was more important to get his life back than to worry about getting sick. Towards the end of the walk, she instructed him to touch a dumpster. As he reached out... OUT POPPED A HOMELESS DUDE! He didn't expect to get two exposures in one!!!

It’s like you have two brains – a rational brain and an irrational brain. And they’re constantly fighting.

– Emilie Ford 

Light at the end of the tunnel

Gradates in the year 2020 and 2021 faced many huddles the past year. Christian on the other hand took the past year in stride. Re-wind a bit .. School always came easy to him a straight A student.  First to memorize times tables in his class, homework done promptly after school, perfect scores, teachers praised. Christian was due to graduate last year class of 2020 with friends and soccer mates glued together. But that road flashed a road block.. OCD.  There was about a two year period where we as a family took detour after detour. There were many tearful days and nights where we had nothing to see the end of the tunnel yet and to hang on tight...God's light was there we just had to have faith! Like the amazing student his is, once we found the correct path, he diligently followed. The way he came to this accomplishment reminds me that the way we reach our goals, is not always the way we envision it to pass. Knowing that God's plan is perfect, gives me peace to know MY greatest gifts to this world are guided by Him.