Love these two artists.. Great SONG

If you're attacked by a shark... hit them in the nose! And KEEP SWIMMING!

Over and over again I feel the shoreline is out there, albeit far away I still swim. Even though I continue getting pulled down defeating what little headway I made.

ie..

Sam's temper sends everyone else's temper into hot water. Aside from Emma who wallows in the shallows.

Emma can easily create a frenzy that we all fail to recognize till it's too late.

M who shall not be named - fails to acknowledge others, sending us to the deep end, and back, and back, and back again.

Christian who knows all, mocks any headway accomplished.

All the while, we parents are trying to find the safest, fastest, most prudent course to shore. No time now for character lectures! We're all flawed as our trials have proven. Our family can and will learn lessons on the cusp of sharp teeth.

So not only will we all survive, we'll look back on this journey as a family laughing in the face of adversity. We'll finally crawl on to land, breath a deep sigh of relief, and enjoy a coconut that Sam has volunteered to crack open for us all to share.

*Sam always insists on buying a coconut at the store so he can later whack it with a hammer! Good skill to have, if we ever wash up on shore!

Wordless Wednesday

Change feels good!

Insipired by this photo I took the plunge! Colors came out perfect, however I'm now wishing I hadn't cut my hair so short! It used to be this length exactly. 

xmas party

Yeah she may never forgive me IF I get her to get in the car, out of the car and attend this party. BUT I'm trying to preach what I, we as a family do...put others feelings first. Go to the party you were invited to, be present and let others enjoy the company of YOU! In that be yourself, let your walls come down. If they love you as you are, you will be invited next year.... YAY! 

http://thoughtcatalog.com/heidi-priebe/2015/11/how-each-myers-briggs-personality-type-prepares-for-the-holidays/ -Spot on!! IF only I had more time, I hate being under the gun! 

We can hope for snow, that would be perfect day all around! 

Blog

It's been months but I finally updated my other blog, painful as it was! Those that know it know where to find it.

New hairstyle for 2016

Knowing I needed a hair cut, I let Maddy "trim" my hair. It turned out to be more than a trim.. EEK! It's been 2+ years since I've cut my hair and with Emma's obsession with torturing it, I've decided it's time. Now I just need to decide on my new look.

Front teeth for xmas!

It happened! Sam lost his other front tooth tonight! Pic to follow, after the tooth fairy visit! 

All I want for Christmas is my 2 front teeth 

Refreshed!

What a down pour today! No umbrella! Seeing everyone rushing to pick their kid up and run to their cars, I had to laugh. It's only water! I think it's actually a lot of fun to get drenched, took my time and enjoyed my exciting walk. Sam, Emma and I screamed as we splashed along. Once home I was drenched, cold to the bone and ready for a shower, this time HOT!

Beautiful!

I've been wanting to cut my hair for a long time.. but after Maddy curled my hair on Thanksgiving I'm contemplating keeping it long. Why not let the littles enjoy and destroy my long locks completely before chopping off all my damaged hair? If I ever want it to look nice, I can visit Maddy's beauty salon! I'm a no fuss kinda gal and for the most part pony tails, or a quick bush out w/ my fingers is all I care about.

Hair cut x4

Christian … 

Teeny bit off the top! 

The littles . . .  

Just below the ears! If too long Ga Ga and sister will give me pigtails! 

Faux hawk, please! 

Happy 39th Birthday Dane!

As pastor K* said in his message to you this morning... One more year till middle age! I'm happy to be your friend, lover, wife, and mother to our 4 amazing kids for over half of your life! We've done great things!

As teens. Haven't changed much :D

Brandalyn's 5th Kindle

I had to laugh when I saw that at the top of my new kindle.
THIS time, it won't get broken or lost ;)
There are 8,499 free kindle books on Amazon!
Take me away to another point of view.
I love to read!

Bandaids won't heal bullet holes

People need to understand when a relationship is too broken to fix
there will never be not enough time, words or acceptance
salvage what is good and heal what is important
accept the ugly scars that remain.

Forecast seems grim today, see things coming to a head

Too many times though, after everything is said and done, we knew where those twists and turns would ultimately take us, and all too often, it isn’t anywhere nice or comforting but rather, it is a prison of emotional death.

https://beyondthepolicyoftruth.wordpress.com/2015/11/05/why-being-an-infj-is-so-difficult/

UGGG homework!

I just spent 4 hours doing homework with Christian! I don't think I've ever spent that much time doing homework while in 8th grade. I now know everything I never needed to know about the Revolutionary War!

Yes, history is important. In fact, I believe one of the most important subjects. But this essay's format was ridiculous! We spent more time and frustration on how it was supposed to be written than the actual content. I just love how Common Core is molding our kids to be cookie-cutter replicas. Hail to the test! 

Sam Soccer 2015

Happy Halloween 2015!

We braved the pouring rain to collect as much candy as possible!

Emma - Sofia the First

Sam - Indian Jones

Maddy - A Shadow 

Christian - Teen w/a green mask 

There's a fine line between chaos and a hullabaloo

Glad to have you back hun! It's been a crazy week, welcome back to the chaos! PS... Forgot to take the trash out Tuesday, and my honey do list is pretty long! ;) 

Just one moment

Had a moment of depression today, a feeling of complete hopelessness. I only got to wallow in it for a short moment. I wish I could have stayed in that moment a little longer, to work through it and figure things out. But no, I'm not allowed sit in despair, I'm a mom!
A big thank you to three acquaintances today who became my friends. Having no one to talk to is always the worst!

It was a very sad day :(

Pet peeves

Someone's head is somewhere else when I'm talking.

"So I was thinking... blah, blah, blah.."

Next thing out of their mouth is... 

"Do you want some peanut butter?"

Life is drawing without an eraser - John W. Gardner

I wish I could weave back through time and erase myself from so many peoples lives. My mark is permanent, with no foreseen formula to make it beautiful.

Poem to follow. 

Who r u?

My life turned upside down, and right side up! 

Blurred past

It all seems to run together, my feelings of the past blurred. Highs and lows of yesterdays I no longer feel, but today feels vibrant. The sting of things today will fade. I pray now tomorrow a memory worth lasting, holding on till it trickles... into a blur

chevronguy.deviantart.com

Gladstone United!

photo credit to Mindy Christopher http://mindychristopherphotography.pixieset.com/

These kids had such a great game today playing against their rival. Both teams were undefeated, but only one stayed that way. So proud of these boys for working so hard to stay on top!

Ready for us?

(Team party last night! Picture posed and sent to the opposing team)

Me time!

Time alone upstairs, listening to the littles with Dane downstairs. What could be sweeter? Hmmm... What shall it be tonight?

An enigma

Hence why my blog some months have an entry everyday and others have maybe one. I'm constantly writing in my mind, things I want to get out, things I want to remember, things I wish I could forget. But sometimes I just don't have it in me and I suppress it all, letting it eat me up inside. Pain sometimes feels good, and I wallow in it all by myself. 

What a glorious morning!

Waking up this morning I felt like I was in the twilight zone. ALL of my kids woke up on their own and were dressed before I moseyed my way downstairs.

Usually my mornings go a little something like this....

• Wake up to hair pulling by Emma.

• Make my way downstairs, Emma needs her juice and I need my COFFEE! After 20 minutes of letting the caffeine break my fog, I am brave enough to wake the slumbering bear (Sam). 

• This takes great finesse! I usually start w/ a back-rub, after I find him burred in the covers. Then I move on to tickling :)  The back-rub I know he loves so well turns in to a dare as I lightly tickle his sides.. "Handle it, handle it!" He tries his best not to laugh, but I usually win, and a full tickle war ensues. 

• Christian 99% of the time is dressed showered and checking his Instagram... But I digress, he loves school! 

• Next is usually my hardest endeavor..... getting Maddy out of bed. We've always called her our sunshine....but we may have to change that nickname during her teen years because she is not a morning person! Blankets will be pulled off, there is usually a pillow tug of war, and then of course the rolling in ball to stay warm. 

I know this morning was a fluke, and yes I asked Dane to pinch me, but I'll take it! For once I got to sit on the couch and watch morning cartoons w/ my kids without the worry of making it to school on time!

Shorty

I knew this day would come. But seriously, this soon?!!!  Christian 14 and now Maddy 12, surpassed me in height. Christian complains of growing pain every day and had a 2-inch growth spurt over the summer, putting him now at 5'2" and a half (the half he always points out). Thinking back, I don't think I ever had growing pains or growth spurts, just slow and steady to reach my full potential at 4'11 and a half (I too must point out the half LOL).

Tantrums!!!

(You'r already FIRED!!!)

This morning Sam fired me for bringing him the wrong size pants! Seriously??

"Oh Sam what was I thinking, how terribly thoughtless of me!" "I had no idea how sensitive you were to over-sized pants."

One minute he is a happy go lucky kid going on about the gravitational pull of other planets, and in spit second something goes wrong in his little world..... KAABOOOM!

Ceramics at the CTC

Back to shoveling snow in my snow storm!

My dream vacation is not Maui or Disneyland (although we are going in -9 days whoo-hoo). No, my dream vacation would be a third world country with a village in need of help. I would love to not only teach our kids the many blessing they have but also humble my own heart. To help others in need would fill a purpose in me that I feel I'm missing in life. I have done little things though out my adult life to help others in need, but always feel I fall flat. I'm either all in or I pull inward to a lazy selfish existence which ends up sucking me down into depression.

Lately I've been utterly depressed! Loathing my life and feeling exhausted. I have been shutting down. Neglecting Facebook (no one cares), no reading (my imagination suffers), no researching (my brain suffers), no blogging (my sanity suffers), no forward parenting (my 4 kids suffer).. nothing! Just pulling inward and shutting everything and everyone out. Those that have been truly depressed know what this feels like. To have no drive or incentive to pull your ass out of the abyss. What's the point right? I'm sick off feeling like I'm shoveling snow in a snow storm.

Today I feel like I took that vacation, abet it was a mini one. I helped (or at least I hope) dragged someone else out of the abyss. I saw what it looked like to give up and let the snow accumulate. Seeing all the damage it causes to give up, started a fire within me. I grabbed the shovel and made dents, and saw progresses. Taking on that endeavor, I feel myself seeing the light of day once again. I still wish I was not the way I am.. either all on or off. I need to find a happy medium! No I am not manic depressive, I just live in a world, time, situation that is not suited for who I am. Here I am making the best of it. Just need to keep swimming! Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming... WHAT DO WE DO?.. SWIM, SWIM,SWIM!

(this pic makes me want a better vacation..swimming in Maui) 

Summer's dragging on!

Summer is great for catching my breath when I've been running all year long. I love wearing flip flops, shorts and sunglasses (when I can find them). Loosing track of time, days, weeks on end. Staying up late and sleeping in (kinda, Emma is an early riser). Not worrying about all the many school hang ups my kids have.

HOWEVER......

I'm longing for the cooler weather and routines that come in the fall. Although I feel a storm brewing with the start of a new school year, I also know once blown through I will feel refreshed with my days set into routines once again. The spontaneity of summer is driving me batty! Time to set alarms, schedules, and yes... more alone time for ME!

37

Cried a bit, cried a bit more. Its been a difficult year, I decided if I wanted to show a moment of weakness, it was my day to let go! Got over it, counted my blessings, then had a wonderful day.

*Day I will remember Sam taught HIMSELF how to ride a bike...you're right Sam it's all about the physics! :) Smart boy!

3 + 2 = 5 rambunctious kids!

Christian would have made 6, but he has a foot injury and missed out on all the fun.

Yes, that's me hanging upside down in a tree! By then, these kids drove me bonkers, and I joined in the fun!

Invited readers

With over 25k views and an average of 30 visits to my blog a day, I've decided I can no longer blog in a fish bowl. Email me at brandwk@yahoo.com to be an invited reader of my blog.

Your my best friend

You know when you walk in the door and everything is clean, including the dust off the washer and dryer, I've been doing a lot of thinking. I want nothing more than the happily ever after that we promised each other 20 years ago. But I also know God does not work like that. There will be obstacles to learn from.. hurdles that seem too high, canyons that are too wide, teenagers and toddlers that just don't give a f* about the relationship that mom and dad strive to keep hot. But it's OUR relationship, and we are the only ones that can keep it loved!

But hey looks like we're on the upswing... You know me, I love my research!

Our little rainbow turned out to be such a blessing! Even when I'm upset with you or you with I, she reminds us both how easy it is to just love! How can I not be happy feeling our daughter's excitement when you walk in the door! "Da-Da home"! *Not to say that the other kids don't give me warm and fuzzy feelings too, just that I have to PULL it out of them. ;)

One more just for fun.. as I'm always blogging just before bed with a little one sleeping next to me. I COULD be sleeping...