Needs & Wants

I usually write under wants on the fridge whiteboard- "World peace!" Sam and Christian will then draw pictures of war, like mushroom clouds and nukes. This time, as you can see, Sam under my want for "X-mas Joy"- Kahuna on a sleigh. Later, Christian drew tiny Kahunas leading the Kahuna sled. 

PDX Coins

 

Dane and I dropped Christian, Sam, and his friend at the PDX coin show. It was not our cup of tea, so we ditched them. Considering we had a long day grocery shopping afterward, we decided to catch some lunch. We walked to Red Robin and shared a yummy salad. They lasted at the show for exactly how long it took to eat. Sam called just as we got the check, bored and wanting to leave: "Hey Bozos, where are you?" While walking back we spotted him standing on the back of the car! Driving home they "hungered," so we treated the boys to a fancy lunch at Wendy's.

Dane, teasing me 4 Teslas! 

Yard Sales!

With summer here the boys and I have been having fun going to garage, estate, and yard sales. We scored this guy for free! Meet Larry the Lobster, he now adorns the dashboard of our Kahuna mobile.    

For those that don't know who Larry is...

Cape Disapointment

(https://www.parks.wa.gov/486/Cape-Disappointment)

This time I was NOT disappointed! Dane went last time with the boys. 

Start of my new bird necklace pendant

Fun day with the boys! Exhausting, but fun! We shared memories and made lots of new ones to laugh at later. The cape is a two-hour drive, but it was worth it. You see, the car is the one place they can't run away from me, so it's a great place to talk and find out what's happening in their world. 

Typical over-achiever Christian finished college classes early and was itching to get out. His plan...to fill 9 buckets of beach sand rich with gold flakes before my 3pm cut-off. Typical ME, after trying to sit and relax I failed and hauled buckets back to the car too. Those buckets weighed about 70 lbs! Sam seeing me hauling and also wanting to leave at a decent hour helped out too. Shacky and week, we earned that 4pm breakfast/lunch/dinner! But honestly, I wished we had chosen a better place to eat...HEARTBURN all-night-long!

Gold Rush FEVER!!!

A profanity came out of Dane's mouth when he flipped our light on at 5 in the morning, which is understandable as going alone wouldn't be much fun. However, he was very chatty teaching me the ways of the river, and I taught him about good music! Chloe also enjoyed being in the wild and discovered lots of new smells. BTW- We now have a knock sign on our door he respects.  

Seafood Boil / Gaga's B-day!

Dane doesn't feel good tonight, but I'm sure he'll feel better tomorrow. As for me, I'm trying to find some moments of sanity in the chaos of parenthood. You know what they say, 'Have kids, it'll be fun!' I'll wake in about four short hours to head to the Molalla River with Christian and Sam. Christian's planned a day of gold panning, Sam will enjoy shooting, and I'm taking books and the dog. Ah... the joys of parenting on little sleep. Good thing we have coffee!

It's late I'm tired! Just got done helping M* with routines. 

Christian's 21st Birthday / Easter Sunday!

Poor Christian was sick on his 21st Birthday! So, instead of the usual party time with shots of tequila and puking your guts out the next day, he nursed a bottle of Nyquil. But all is well, this week we all got to celebrate the same way we did shortly after he was born...on EASTER SUNDAY!

Sam in the wild

Dad giving Emma cheats!

Emmalyn & Bee-bee

Christian the cat whisper

 

We're all trying to get along here! Finn (who is about 3 months old) can only go outside right now on a lead as he likes to fence fight the neighbor's pit bull who really is a sweetheart, but VERY strong. 

College with a kitty

Pink-nose makes doing school work not so bad! 

 

Stress relief kitty!

 

I love this picture I took last night. He's getting quite good a writing and speed typing! Our pets make life more chill and provide lot's of laughable moments! 

Rockin' CCC speed run course!!!

With 24 hours to spare Christian finished his last essay. So very proud of him for pulling off this Christmas miracle!! Now he/we can chill for a week before the trip!!! 

spoon therory

On this day Christian ran out of spoons 😔. Had to stop and retreat...but he then apologized the next day and he got back on the horse again with college essays. I am extremely proud of my boy...I mean manchild 🤗 You try doing 2 essays a day with one arm tied behind your back!! The OCD monster is a B*TCH. 

Spoon theory - Wikipedia

On today's adjenda..

Do stuff, do more stuff, and finish the day with everyone happy. Is it possible? We shall see. I've got an amazing husband, children, family, and friends!

 Glad I can finally have coffee again!!!

Too fast!!!

I'd be mad too! Mom (me, myself, and I) said we would go to do something today now it's been scheduled for tomorrow if I can, then I got "squirreled" doing something else. That doesn't mean that I don't love him. Sigh...can everyone in this family give me a HOT MINUTE to get everyone on the same page!!!

A conundrum I can type, however, I don't like the pressure. UGGG he's taking a speed run course on nutrition. Great subject to study, but not so great when he suffers from OCD. But hey we're learning a lot of great info! He dictates I type.

Dad's funeral speech, I never said (draft)

Everyone knows my dad at a glance, within the kaleidoscope of memories. I hope to hear more about who my dad was today.

For me, I don't remember much before I was 10—just bits and pieces before he and my mom's divorce. I think I blocked it all out because of the hurt at the time. The next 10 years I spent with my mom and stepfather. Summers, I would come to visit. We always made the trip to Disneyland and my beloved In-N-Out Burger. He'd always complain I ate him out of "house & home"... duh, I was a teenager. Sash would always take me under her wing to hang out and chill.

When my oldest was born, I was extremely proud to introduce his first grandson. I shot a video of him and Christian in our living room, practicing how to crawl. I remember that feeling like it was yesterday!

(Find this video/pics)

Again, 2 years later, he was here to watch Maddy crawl for the first time.

(Ditto)

The most common memory is the greeting at the airport... and the saying goodbye, which honestly makes me the most sad. I know you're supposed to be upbeat about someone's life. But what about telling everyone you care about TODAY..."I love you and you matter to me!"

OCD, no it isn’t about being a “neat freak”. #ocdrecovery

(istock photo)

I now often wonder if my parenting has directly impacted my son's diagnosis of OCD. Let me walk you back in time... When he was a little guy, he'd help me clean (cleaning is fun when you're a kid, LOL). For example, I'll use cleaning the bathroom. A place where he'll often get stuck while doing OCD compulsions. We'd clean the floor, my side would be spotless, his side well... "Good job, but let's get it just a little bit cleaner." Fast forward to years of perfectionism while in deep despair, he was diagnosed with severe OCD.
How does one get categorized with severe rather than run-of-the-mill OCD? I didn't know either! It's a point system in the DSM(the big book of what's mentally wrong w/ people). The more time spent on compulsions that disrupt your life, the higher you're categorized. My son would spend 3 or more HOURS stuck in that bathroom every night torturing himself! And if his compulsions got him stuck in the middle of the day, keep in mind we have ONE bathroom! But hey! We got to know our neighbors quite well LOL. Thinking back, I really should have used that time to drop seeds of Jesus in their living rooms while waiting for little Emma to pee. ;)
Today we're in a better place thanks to medication and a lot of weekly therapy. It didn't go so smoothly at first, as you can imagine. There were a lot of tears, both his and mine. I am also thankful for my amazing husband, who often had to take charge and Papa bear him to make it to those early therapy appointments. Imagine staying up all night with compulsions, only to have to turn around after just drifting off to sleep to attend a much HATED ERP (exposure and response therapy ((think torture and do nothing about it)).
I'll end this post on a funny note because the picture of our messy lives isn't always just doom and gloom. During one ERP session, the therapist took him into the neighborhood of a downtown city block. The goal was to touch as many germy gross objects and not wash hands for half the day. I know gross, but the chances of getting sick were low, and it was more important to get his life back than to worry about getting sick. Towards the end of the walk, she instructed him to touch a dumpster. As he reached out... OUT POPPED A HOMELESS DUDE! He didn't expect to get two exposures in one!!!

It’s like you have two brains – a rational brain and an irrational brain. And they’re constantly fighting.

– Emilie Ford 

Spooky!!

Christian is getting IMHO quite talented! He has a photographic memory and currently loves experimenting with color blending. I'm trying to get him to try a college class in painting/art/color WHAT EVER! If not a future career, at least a loved hobby! 

Light at the end of the tunnel

Gradates in the year 2020 and 2021 faced many huddles the past year. Christian on the other hand took the past year in stride. Re-wind a bit .. School always came easy to him a straight A student.  First to memorize times tables in his class, homework done promptly after school, perfect scores, teachers praised. Christian was due to graduate last year class of 2020 with friends and soccer mates glued together. But that road flashed a road block.. OCD.  There was about a two year period where we as a family took detour after detour. There were many tearful days and nights where we had nothing to see the end of the tunnel yet and to hang on tight...God's light was there we just had to have faith! Like the amazing student his is, once we found the correct path, he diligently followed. The way he came to this accomplishment reminds me that the way we reach our goals, is not always the way we envision it to pass. Knowing that God's plan is perfect, gives me peace to know MY greatest gifts to this world are guided by Him. 

Christian 18th Birthday Party!

I love his beautiful curly hair! I like it even more now that it's not past his chin ;) 💗 These brothers love each other so much!! 

Christian's 19th Birthday!

I can't believe my firstborn is 19 years old! While we usually have a big extended family celebration. This year our spring birthdays are being celebrated at home. Christian decided on a lemon raspberry cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory. YUM!!!