Sisters!

MEH

All month long have felt.. MEH! Muddle my way through the holidays, buying presents, decorating, all the while sick. Looking forward to longer days and warmer weather!

Ham Bone Soup Yum!

Paired with cornbread. YUM!!

We'll miss you!

Words can't describe how much we will miss this guy. He was an amazing cat who brought so much joy to all of us. I have never known a more affectionate cat than he.

Dane bought this cat last year for Maddy who needed some joy in her life. It took a while for her warm up to a kitten who was very rambunctious, and was not content to just sit and cuddle. But eventually like everyone else captured her heart with his loving nature. He was a lover who craved affection and could not be ignored.

Me - Tripped over him often with him purring at my feet. Placed him many a times in Emma's lap to cheer her up or keep her occupied. Was not ragdoll, but acted as such. I often marveled at how he'd put up with Emma carrying him, brushing, applying make up, ect.

Dane - Like I said he bought this cat to cheer up Maddy. He enjoys and takes pride in making us happy. With his humor, with his love, and with his gifts. This is not his first time making us fall in love with a cat. As a teen he bought me my first cat (Sebastian) from someone giving cats away at a convenient store. Ditch dived to save a stray (Mittens) in the middle of the night on a back country road.  Outbid his sister in a school charity auction to win his daughters heart with a kitten (Dollar, such a fitting name).

Sam - Loved "playing" hide and seek (aka chase the cat).

Christian - His room was the cat's refuge. He would often sleep on his bed or in his chair as this was the only place to keep the littles at bay.

Maddy - Complained (but got a kick out of it) that he would climb in the cubbies behind her bed, walk across her keyboard, and meow for her to feed him every night.

Emma - She was by far the hardest for us to tell the bad news, even though we knew she would not fully understand and would not dwell on the loss. Blacky (her name for him) was her cat. She spent more time and bonded with him than anyone else. Every morning she would feed and cuddle him. Every time we came home she'd announce to him we were home. Every time she was sad he would cheer her up. Every time he crossed her path she would scoop him up and LOVE him. And it broke our heart knowing those were now memories left in the past.

He is now buried at Wenzel Mountain next to my great love Daneo. His tombstone has yet to be written. What was his name?

No name (because Maddy could not / would not think of one)
Blacky
Grey beard
Chocolate Chip
Shadow

All names we considered for him this last year, but maybe we'll just settle on Kitty. We will all miss him terribly, as he was a member of our family!

Hair by Emma

Seriously thinking of chopping my hair off. Long hair is easy to just brush and be on my way so I've always kept it long. But I'm thinking if there is less hair to pull maybe it will break Emma and Sam's habit.

My Letterman jacket!

Found this in my mom's closet on Thanksgiving. I barley graduated HS but I lettered in Choir! :)

Why I blog?

Those that know me well noticed I haven't blogged in a long time and know why. For those that don't, I'll clue you in. When I'm busy, stressed or down I tend to keep everything in. But then I get sick of the insistent chatter in my mind and crave this outlet.

I don't have friends that I open up to. I share with my husband, my mom and my therapist. Friends never seem to work out for me. I have lots of surface friends which are great to call upon if I need them or they need me. But have yet to find someone to have a that "BFF" relationship with. It's understandable though, those relationships are hard to come by. Someone you can be yourself around and trust. I don't like parties, clubs, shopping, and "girls night out." I'm more of a "lets get coffee and chat, or go see a movie together" kind of friend (not very exciting).

Back to my rambling regarding my blog. I love writing and creating to explain what I make sense of this life. There's so much more to life than just what's on the surface. I'm more than just a mom, but that duty I take very seriously. If / when my kids read my blog I want them to see more than just "mom" stuff. I want them to see someone who is not afraid to be themselves! Not just see a blog that showcases highlights and hides the rest (they'll get enough of that from Facebook). I am who I am, not just.."I am my kids' mom." They know I'm not perfect (LOL), someday they may actually relate to some of my joys and trials.

I think a lot, A LOT! Evaluating thoughts and feelings of everyone around me all the time. With my family, it's like a chess game to keep everyone happy. Having 4  kids w/ 4 very different personalities it is a very difficult game to play. Even though I am very good at understanding and predicting what's going on w/ my kids, I can't always control outcomes (hence is life).

As for myself, I am horrible at understanding my feelings and actions. However, when I sit and write things become clear. I can then see myself from many angles based on my audience, and then all of a sudden I can hear what advice or point of view they would have.  Also, it helps putting words out there, getting things off my packed mind. Obviously I don't post everything I write, as I don't want to scare, bore, or embarrass myself or others.

Writing is telepathy*! Simple as that. No, you can not read what someone is thinking, but rather paint the picture in their head, hence you now know what they are seeing. How cool is that! Problem with crafting poems, stories, and blog posts on my feelings, is it's impossible (although I try my best) to paint a clear enough picture. There are too many spots for my readers to fill in their own blanks. And since they don't know me well enough, the picture they often get is WRONG! :( But I'll continue on anyways, because I'm learning not to care what others think of me and to just be myself! Those that really understand who I really am, I hold dear.

So love me or hate me... If your reading this, I'm on your mind!

Know I am human and make mistakes.
Know I am Christian and am forgiven.
Know I am my kids' mom, no one love them like I do.
Know I am a perfectionist, who does not settle.
Know I am smart, love researching and expanding my interests.
Know I like solitude, but miss you when I'm gone.
Know I am social, but don't like superficial nonsense.
Know I am not scatterbrained, just lack paying attention to details.
Know I am open minded, but am difficult to change my mind.
Know I am warm hearted, not sensitive and fragile.
Know I am petite, but strong willed.
Know I love who I am!

*Stephen King - What Writing Is  http://user101.tccc.cc.nc.us/Swood/111/KingonWriting.htm

Happy Birthday Dane-Bob!

Ice cream cake from Baskin-Robins! 

Last day of Fall Soccer!

Burrr it gets cold the last days of fall soccer! But it's worth freezing my butt off to watch my silly Sam play soccer. His battle call running up the field, his monster kick-offs, and let us not forget his backward running! His first game he was appalled to wear a pink jersey, but this kid made it work. We shall see if next year he has more interest in the game, as he did this year with socializing. :)

Sam - "Can you give me a dream?"

I love and dread putting Sam to sleep. He is such an energetic little boy, whose mind goes a mile a minute. But once I give him a back rub and a dream he slows down and melts into sleep. Singing the words... "The world loves little Samuel, and you mean the world to me" I'm reminded that all difficult behavior (like today painting a PlayStation controller gold, and "tricking" me into buying candy at the store) are the very things that make me love him. He is an amazing kid who makes me proud, ensures I laugh, and keeps me guessing! Someday he won't want a back rub and a dream, and I will long for the words.. "But why?" "How?" "Please just a little longer."

Sam Art

Tonight Sam made the cutest drawing before bed. He wanted to stay up and keep drawing, but I had the idea of letting him complete his artwork in bed with me on the computer. He had so much fun playing with the art software on my computer.

I'm up, I'm up!

I'm exhausted, and it's Monday! 

Not my puzzle - God's

 Psalms 37:5 says, “Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.”

I need to let go of my ideas of how God will deliver me and just trust Him. When I put my trust in God, that means to understand that trying to figure out things that are too great for my mind to comprehend is futile and can lead me astray. I will TRUST in the same God that proved it may look like there is no other direction to go, but GOD is the way! He too will part waters for me if needed.

I acknowledge this is very hard for me. I'm always looking at the many pieces around me crossing my path. I am constantly testing pieces in my mind to see how they fit, and what the picture would look like.

At first, it looks something like this...

But eventually a picture comes into focus...

So many pictures I've seen, but thus far I have yet to see a complete picture with smooth edges all fit in their rightful beautiful place. That picture only God sees! Who am I to shake the X-mas presents under the tree before the big day!

I can't change the fact I may miss small details and am constantly looking to my intuition to show a bigger picture. But I can sit back and admire God's amazing creation! Even in the darkest of times, I know God's masterpiece in the end will be more than you or I could ever fathom!

Grandpa L*

During my trip to Salt Lake for my Grandpa's 90th birthday, I learned so much about this accomplished man. Listening to stories, scouring scrapbooks, but best of all was his 90th birthday memory book! Family and friends contributed with photos and favorite memories. Stories about fishing, camping, traveling, friendship, teaching, etc. My favorite stories were all the many tall tales of how Grandpa lost his pinkie finger. On the night of his birthday, he finally came clean with the truth!!!

19 years flying experience! 

Cuz leavin on a Jet Plane

Grandpa L* is turning 90! I'm looking forward to spending time with him and family. I'm sure this celebration will be filled with lots of memories! 

I must admit though, I'm also looking forward to a few nights sleeping in a hotel room. I can't wait to roll around in my bed with pillows all to myself. I plan on sleeping sideways across the entire king sized bed!! WHOO HOOO!!

So kiss me and smile for me! 

October Select Mustim Awareness Month

Selective mutism (formally known as elective mutism) is a disorder that usually occurs during childhood. It is when the child does not choose to speak in at least one social setting. However, the child can speak in other situations.

 -INFJ friend

Anxiety

Crushes your spirit
Strangles your voice
Tricks your mind
Replaces your joy
Steals your time
Blankets your eyes
Paralyzes your feet

Suffocates your soul

words by – Abigail’s Mom

Art by art by EvitagenEm

 Mama Cheetah Saves Her Cub

Mama Cheetah lounged on a rock while watching baby cheetah run across the Savannah plains.  Her baby was a fast runner, the fastest cheetah she’d ever seen. Mama perks up as she sees baby rounding a curve at full speed. For Mama Cheetah knew baby, who loved to run, was sometimes hindered from a wound that had never healed.

Just as Mama Cheetah stands, baby disappeared from sight.  Running as fast as she could mama arrived to find baby had fallen into a great big hole.  The fracture in the earth was dark, scary and very, very deep.

Mama Cheetah circled the hole and was relieved to see a way out.  Someone had placed a ladder to assist anyone who might fall in.

“Everything’s going to be just fine! Climb up the ladder and you’ll be free!”

Mama looks down to see her daughter pacing in front of the ladder.

“I can’t, I can’t!” Baby Cheetah cried.

“What’s wrong? Why can’t you just climb the ladder?”

Baby Cheetah continued to pace in front of the ladder, growing more and more frustrated.  Her sad chirps changed to angry growls.

“The ladder is covered with scary bugs! I can’t climb up it!”

Mama Cheetah knew baby’s fear, and needed to think of a way to save her!  She knew it would be impossible to climb down and carry her up by herself. Baby cheetah was now too big to carry like she used to in the safe clutches of her teeth.  Mama then realized the only way she could help her baby, was to coach her out.

“You can do it, the bugs can’t hurt you.” Mama said calmly.

“But they’re scary, and I’m scared, I’m scared, I’m scared!” Baby cheetah chanted over and over again.

“Just count to three, close your eyes, and start climbing!” Mama said calmly.

Hesitating, baby cheetah paced and growled in front of the ladder.

“DO IT NOW!” Mama, roared.

“One, two, THREE!” Baby cheetah closed her eyes and started climbing up the ladder. With every step the bugs on each rung became fewer and fewer.

“I’m doing it!” Baby cheetah cried proudly.

“You’re doing it!” Mama cheetah cried proudly.

Just a few steps from the top Mama cheetah could see baby’s face beaming with pride.  Baby cheetah planted her feet on the ground and nodded to Mama.  She then darted off into the sunset of the Savannah, faster than Mama cheetah had ever seen her baby run.

 -Abigail's Mom

Cast the first stone!

Last weeks message from Pastor E. The story of Jesus attending a dinner at Simon s house.....

Jesus Anointed by a Sinful Woman

36 When one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him, he went to the Pharisee’s house and reclined at the table. 37 A woman in that town who lived a sinful life learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee’s house, so she came there with an alabaster jar of perfume. 38 As she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them.

39 When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner.”

40 Jesus answered him, “Simon, I have something to tell you.”

“Tell me, teacher,” he said.

41 “Two people owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii,[c] and the other fifty. 42 Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he forgave the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?”

43 Simon replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt forgiven.”

“You have judged correctly,” Jesus said.

44 Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. 45 You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. 46 You did not put oil on my head,but she has poured perfume on my feet. 47 Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.”

48 Then Jesus said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.”

49 The other guests began to say among themselves, “Who is this who even forgives sins?”

50 Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”

What Pastor E* said at the end of this message... It's easy to look at others and see their faults, but God wants you to only look at his magnificent creation.


Homosexuality - 1 Corinthians 6:0-11   Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

Adultery - John 8:4-11 They said to him, “Teacher, this woman has been caught in the act of adultery. Now in the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. So what do you say?” This they said to test him, that they might have some charge to bring against him. Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger on the ground. And as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to them, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.” And once more he bent down and wrote on the ground.   

Idolatry - Jeremiah 10:3-16   For the customs of the peoples are vanity. A tree from the forest is cut down and worked with an axe by the hands of a craftsman. They decorate it with silver and gold; they fasten it with hammer and nails so that it cannot move. Their idols are like scarecrows in a cucumber field, and they cannot speak; they have to be carried, for they cannot walk. Do not be afraid of them, for they cannot do evil, neither is it in them to do good.” There is none like you, O Lord; you are great, and your name is great in might. Who would not fear you, O King of the nations? For this is your due; for among all the wise ones of the nations and in all their kingdoms there is none like you.

Lying - Proverbs 19:5   A false witness will not go unpunished, and he who breathes out lies will not escape.

Greed - Proverbs 11:12    One gives freely,  yet grows all the richer; another withholds what he should give, and only suffers want.

Lust - Matthew 5:28    But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

and the list of sins go on. 


It's so hard not to judge others who you KNOW are judging you. Thoughts that come up.. Well YOU haven't been the best wife, mother, friend, CHRISTIAN either. Heck I'm writing this with several people in mind. But this is what God calls us to do, so I will try harder. And tomorrow will try even harder!

That's my boy!

I simply remember my favorite things

When a dog bites, when a bee stings, when I'm feeling sad... I simply remember my favorite things

Books

I can't believe I've read over 130 books since I created my goodreads account in 2010. I usually go on a book binge and read 5-6 books in a row when life is slow. Then have to quit for a while when things get crazy busy (like right now).

Chocolate

Love, love, love Hershey's! Funny story- Back when I was a 911 dispatcher, when my fellow officers could tell over the radio that I was getting pissy, they'd bring me this treat to make amends.

Coffee

Christian bought me this mug while in Disneyland a year ago. It reminds me how he always thinks of others. When I dread getting out of bed in the morning, I remind myself that this cup is waiting for me.

Writing

I had forgotten how much I loved to write until recently. The purple journal has some of my creative writings that I started at the age of 10!

Photography / Scrapbooking

Love that I can capture memories to be remembered forever.

 Nikon D60 - 55 mm 

Necklace I made

Four baby birds in my nest!

Movies

Sound of Music, The Notebook, Shinning Through, Never Ending Story, Princess Bride, Dazed and Confused, Walk to Remember, Wanted, The Office, Heathers, Twilight, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Just Be, Zombie Land, Labyrinth,Christmas Story.. And many more!

Sam - "Can you give me a dream?" God's plan

After the movie The Spookley (square) Pumpkin, I put Sam to bed with this dream.

David and Goliath - Samuel 1:17-58

The story of David and Goliath is a powerful reminder that even those who are considered different or unworthy can achieve great things if they have faith and trust in God's plan. Both the movie we watched and this biblical account show how being different doesn't matter when facing obstacles. What's important is having faith!

Mark 10:12

I believe this with all my heart. But what is possible only God can decide that, it's up to us to trust he has a plan, and not will things into place. 

Taste and see, that the Lord he is good

Christian had his first taste of wine tonight at confirmation. This was not communion as the wine was not blessed. The reason these 7th graders had a small taste of wine... To understand the reason behind this sacred act.

After their taste, pastor asked what they experienced. Most said how horrible the wine tasted. One girl noted that she felt a slight burn in her throat. Pastor then pointed out that taking communion is a tangible way for us to feel and remember that we are forgiven.

Thank you Pastor E*, for this valuable lesson that Christian was taught tonight. Also a big thank you for my refresher!

How do you spell LOVE?

Sam came home from school yesterday with a new skill. He learned how to spell LOVE! Last night he practiced spelling on my back. With his finger he would trace a letter on my back and I would try to guess the letter. It felt soooo good! Every so often he'd throw in another letter to try and throw me off :) I really did feel loved!

Watching....

Long overdue.. research done on MBTI

After learning what my four letters were, I had a great interest in the Jung theory, wanting to learn what it was all about. After lots of filtering through all the fanfare and misunderstanding I've finally come to a greater understand, and fulfilled the J in me to cross this off my list! 

Learning all the thought processes has helped me to understand why the other person is acting a certain way the.. and not to bring my angst into the picture, they perceive reality a different way that I do.

Reduce conflicts in relationships by knowing and empathizing how the other person thinks.

Personality type.. it's the interface between you and the rest of the world. How you filter information! Of the millions of people on this planet.. patterns can be mapped of how people react to the world. Hence why people have enjoyed reading / watching movies / plays ect. which includes their archetype.

It's easy to understand people that have taken the time to understand how other people tick, have an advantage in being happier in life. Also understanding your strengths and weaknesses.

For me it's easy to understand why we have preferences for one brain function or the other. I remember feeling this as a child. Simplified.. When your learning a new task, what ever function comes easiest and you use it, you will be rewarded w/ sucess. Ball is thrown at you, the decision comes easy to catch it w/ the hand that is dominate. That nuero pathway has just been strengthened. The same is true when you exercise a certain thought process. If you realize as a child it's easier for you to .....

The functions -

Introvert vs Extrovert 

Introversion not to be confused with shy
Extroversion not be confused with outgoing.. There can by shy extroverts, and outgoing introverts!

Intuition vs Sensing

Se- concrete, what is there. Taking information in through your senses.

Sailors delight- red sky in morn sailors be warned. Quote must have been from an Intuitive thinker.

Se thinker - BUT IT'S RAINING NOW!

Don't miss what's in front of your face..when you look for patterns or future output, you may miss things in the here in now.

 Feeling vs Thinking 

70% of women are dominate feelers

70% of men are dominate thinkers

What's fair is fair.. right, NO! We all have a different thought proccess of this!

Fe.. what it fair... feeling, yes Maddy had it last 3 times but we are going on a long trip.. she gets car sick in the back if we are driving a long way.
Te- what is fair... calculations.. who had the front seat last.

Judging vs Perceiving

Judging... Need checkmarks on a project.. start right away.. be on time.. angst if working at last min. Don't get tunnel vision.
Perciving... take in all the information.. procrastinate.. best work done in the last minute.. Project done.. lets look back and see what can be changed.


Yes we are all different but if we work together...

It;s imprortant to think in a colabroative sense. We are all here together. And as a christian.. the work to be done is to understand how to bring us to the same place... HEAVEN where none of these differences matter! God made us different, and loves us the same!

That said.. figure out who you are..

It's easy! 

Example - INJF

Ni - First Function
Fe - Second
Ti- Third
Se - Fourth