15 Years!

I know it's been a up hill challenge. Dane says I'm easy to love, but the circumstances within our lives have not always been easy. Thank you Father for helping him love me!

Day at the park

Surprise Date Night!

Where are we going?

Very funny Dane! HAHA

We went here!

The Drive

And why would they want to search our car? Hmmmm

Motley Crue Final Tour 2014 Ridgefield, WA

We leaned against the back wall and enjoyed the music of the evening (my favorite..Kicks Start my Heart, rink DJ would play it every time I speed skated as a kid). That was fun, but the best part was the people watching! Grandmas, kids, drinkers, and smokers oh my!

Longing for Fall

- Bob Marley

An early morning rain made me long for my favorite season...fall. Specifically the first washing of rain that fills the senses with renewal. The smell of rain on the hot pavement, the excitement of a new school year, the cooler refreshing air. Summer filled with memories will get me through the ugliness of weeks and weeks of Oregon rain. I both welcome and love to say goodbye to summer, fall, winter, spring. But by far fall is my favorite!

A church is just a church right?

Memories at Trinity Lutheran Church...

https://www.trinityoc.org/

Emmalyn's baptism - 2012 (Pastor ?)
Samuel's baptism - 2008 (Pastor Kasting)
Madelyn's baptism - 2003 (Pastor Kasting)
Christian's baptism - 2001 (Pastor Kasting)
My baptism - 2001 (Pastor Kasting)
Married - 1999  (Pastor Kasting)
Dane's baptism- 1976 (Pastor Ruthenbeck)

I have a lot of memories at TLC, but memories aren't the only thing that I hold dear. A church is not made up of bricks and mortar but of other worshipers. The Christians at our church have a genuine love for Christ and show that in many ways. Their greetings to one another, their attention drawn to the pastor's words, their voices praising in song, and their actions to share with insiders and outsiders.

I recently decided to judge our church. To do so, I needed a comparison. While visiting another, only myself and another time with Emma and I. Judged the content of the Word and the people hearing it. I listened with open ears but held true to my known faith. And looked around at the worshipers to search the tenor and faith. The reaction to my child showed me how accepting and tolerant they are of others. No, I was not going to send my child downstairs for Sunday school at a new church while I worshiped with the "grown-ups". 

Jesus loved little children because of how pure their faith was. They have no filter and say what's on their mind! They have yet to encounter all the bitterness of this world and can see things unmasked by the Holy Spirit.

My children are good judges of people and can tell if they are warm and inviting then jump in without concern. This is why I love TLC! My children feel at home smiling at people, they don't hold back and are themselves,  excited to be there and are not afraid.

Just Breathe

This saying will forever be part of my life. Funny how easy it can be to forget to just breathe. When you fail to relax and just breathe, life seems so hard. When deprived of needed oxygen to refresh, you fail to see things clearly, and your heart beats toxins throughout your body. I forgot this many times and felt my entire being filled with many toxic emotions. Less I forget again, I will look down at my chest and remind myself to JUST BREATHE.

Spiders keeping Dad up at night

Apparently, it's too hot outside for the neighborhood spiders. Every night Dane gets woken up by the kids needing Daddy to take care of a friendly spider. I say "Take care" because Maddy wants him to re-home the spiders outside and Christian wants them executed. 3 spiders kept Dane up last night. In the dead of sleep, he was woken first by Maddy...

Whisper..."Daaad, Daaad." Poke, poke. Louder... "Dad!"
Not again, sigh. "What Maddy"
"There's a spider in the bathroom."
At this point Dane had just fallen asleep, it was about 2 am. Stumbling into the bathroom, he grabbed some tp.
"No.. don't kill it!"
"Then why did you wake me up?"
"Take him outside." She crouched down examining the little guy. "I think he's scared."
"How am I supposed to get him outside." The spider was about the size of a grain of rice.
"I don't know, can't you just put him in your hand."
"Maddy I'm either gonna squish it or I'm going back to bed" He grabbed his cowboy boot and pounded the little guy into the floor. "Problem solved, good night."

Half hour later

Christian comes out of his room. "Dad, Dad!"
Seriously! "What?"
"There's a HUGE spider on my TV! Seriously I've never seen a spider this big!"
Opening his eyes trying to focus he sees Christian circling his fingers to the size of a baseball.
Well, that's a spider worth killing. "Show me."
On Christian's TV was a spider about the size of a quarter. "Exaggerate much?" Dane grabbed one of Christian's shoes and missed it! The spiders now scrambling on the floor to get away. "You son of a b****, get back here!"
Christian finds this very amusing and is hysterically laughing. "Get it!"
WACK, WACK, SQUIIISH! "Problem solved, good night."

But no, the big spider must have been a Mama spider. Christian found one more, this one smaller than Maddy's little friend in the bathroom. So small that Dane could barely focus his sleep-deprived eyes on. How my kids can find all these little guys shows you how freaked out they are by these harmless friendly visitors. It was on the ceiling, Dane used his finger to dispatch the little guy. I'm sure it had siblings, so tonight will be another adventure.

post inspired by: http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/03/spiders-are-scary-its-okay-to-be-afraid.html

Simul iustus et peccator

We are both sinners and saints  

Luther calls Christians "simultaneously saint and sinner" because he redefines "saint" as a forgiven sinner. We are called saints not because we change into something different but because our relationship with God changes as a result of God's grace. Luther said: "The saints are sinners, too, but they are forgiven and absolved." 

When I look at myself in the mirror, I always see the reflection of a sinner. But when God looks at me, he sees me through Jesus. My sin is covered with Christ's own righteousness. Thanks be to God! 

http://www.thelutheran.org/article/article.cfm?article_id=4210

Repentance

There is about 18 inches between what is in your head and what you feel in your heart. 
To repent you not just think of your sins as wrong and ask forgiveness, you turn away from sin by showing it with your actions. 

Where am I going w/ this.... 
I was not forgiven for committing a sin that I knew I would repeat over and over again. Just like if Sam would push Emma.. then tell me he was sorry, but turn around and push her again. God wouldn't ask us to repent if he also knew we had the ability to turn away from the sin, an ability that he put inside us. The holy spirit gives us the strength to do anything that God commands us to do. 

I now feel fully forgiven, now that I have truly repented. We now have begun to turn away from the sin that was heavy on our hearts, by putting God in the middle. We now know our strengths and weaknesses, and are working on both. For this I am truly grateful. 

Bedtime and Morning Songs

Good Night Baby - Emmalyn's Version

Good night baby it's time to go to sleep, we've turned the page on this day and now it's time to sleep.

Good night, baby, it's faster than it seems, I used to be the baby and my mom sang to me.

Good night, Good night. I hope you have sweet dreams. The world loves little babies, and you're the world to me.

Good night, Good night. I watch you as you sleep. The world loves little babies and you mean the world to me.

Night Night - Wenzel bedtime song. Sang to my babies Christian, Maddy, and Sam.

Night night MaDalyn, night-night MaDelyn, night-night MaDelyn, see you in the morNing.

Ga, Ga, and Grandpa say night-night, Ga-Ga, and Grandpa say night-night, Ga-Ga, and Grandpa say night-night, see you in the morNing.

Night night ChrisTian, night-night ChrisTian, night-night ChrisTian, see you in the morNing.

Mama and Dada say night night, Mama and Dada say night night, Mama and Dada say night night, see you in the morNing.

Night night SaMuel, night night SaMuel, night night SaMuel, see you in the morNing.

Ga, Ga, and Grandpa say night night, Ga-Ga and Grandpa say night night, Ga-Ga, and Grandpa say night night, see you in the morNing.

Would repeat verses changing up the names that would say night night (cousins, aunt, uncles, pets).

Morning Song - With zooming nose touch gesture

Good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning to YOU (pointer finger zooms to touch nose), good morning to YOU (pointer finger touches nose again)!

We're all in our places with sun-shining faces. Good morning to YOU (nose)! Good morning to YOU (nose)!

repeat.

My kids always hide their faces so I couldn't find their noses. Silly kids, Mom will find it!

A fathers love

I wasn't the first in this family to make up stories and tell them to my littles at bedtime. Dane's father on the nights that he put his children to bed would tell them "Kid Family Stories." A series of imaginative stories he made up to get the kids to sleep. To this day memories of these moments Dane has confided to me meant so much to him growing up.

Although his father worked a lot to provide for his family, he was an amazing father with his time at home. Even after his kids were grown he continues to show how much he loves them, and has implored his children to savor life with all it's highs and lows. Teaching them through his experiences to love and trust God. Teaching that our Heavenly Father is the one who has placed these children in our arms to grow, love and teach.

I am thankful for my father-in-law for raising a man that not only takes care of his family, but loves them unconditionally!

Fun in the mud

Sam "Can you give me a dream?"

Every night at bedtime Sam asks me for a back-rub and a dream.

Last night

S -Tell me the story of me.

M -  (Sigh)  on May 15th 2008 you were born. Doctors had to be sure you were ready to come out and join the world. After poking a needle in me that was this long (---------) , they decided you were ready, and the time was set for you to be born the next day.

S - A needle THAT BIG!

M - Yes, and that needle made you MAD! You must have thought "FORGET this place, it's no longer safe and fun, I'm outta here!" You wanted out NOW! I have never felt so much pain. Christian, and Maddy when they decided to come out didn't hurt mommy so bad.

S - Heheheh, I was strong!

M - Yes you were, and I knew that you wouldn't wait very long! So grandma drove me to the hospital VERY fast. We were just at the doctor's office, but the hospital you were to be born at was 20 minutes away. I did not like grandmas driving, she hit every bump and took every turn very fast. OUCH!
Meanwhile everyone got the call that you were coming fast. Daddy was at work dressed fancy, Christian was having at play date with aunt K and the cousins, and Maddy was with GaGa at the zoo.
Maddy had just gotten a snow cone that she had begged GaGa to buy, but had to throw it away.

S - Is that why Maddy hates me so much? We should buy her a snow cone for her birthday!

M - That's a great idea, she would love that!

S - I don't know what her favorite color is, so we'll just get rainbow. Then she'll like me.

M - Maddy loves you, she was so happy to hold you for the first time. I'll show you pictures tomorrow that show happy she was!

S - Did daddy hold me too?

M - Yes daddy was the first one to hold you. Back to my story.... Daddy got there in the nick of time! And grandma went to go buy a camera, but the doctor told her there was no time. Off I whet to go have little Samuel.

S - I thought I was a big baby.

M - Nope, although you were very strong you were born tiny. But everyday you grow bigger and stronger.

S - Will I be Superman someday?

M - I'm sure you will!

Where's the snooze button on this!

I love her to death, but she doesn't know the meaning of sleeping in! It's summertime Emma!

The storm

Storm raging all around, waves crashing into your life.
Jesus calm and at peace.
We cry out, save us, don't you care?
Jesus lifts he hands and stills the wind, waves, and sky.
Is your faith so weak that you fear the storm?

Oh what a glorious day that will be

Please come Jesus, let all the suffering end. My heart you know. My patience always lacks. I can only truly love you, I find splitting my splitting my heart for others hard. So please grant me the patience, for I know you plan is not my own. You will come on your own time, not mine.

I'm worn

"Worn"

I’m Tired I’m worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes
To keep on breathing
I’ve made mistakes
I’ve let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world

And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn

I know I need to lift my eyes up
But I'm too weak
Life just won’t let up
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn

My prayers are wearing thin
Yeah, I’m worn
Even before the day begins
Yeah, I’m worn
I’ve lost my will to fight
I’m worn
So, heaven come and flood my eyes

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause all that’s dead inside will be reborn

Though I’m worn
Yeah I’m worn

-Tenth Avenue North 

Peace

My heart longs for peace.

 A peace that calms and make me whole.

 This peace I see long in my future.

 Day by day I will long and reach for it. 

Patience a virtue that I need to find within. 

0704 - 20 years

Our story did not start July 31, 1999. It started years before on 4th of July at a tiny rural school watching neighborhood fireworks. Our love lit that night while watching sparks fly into the air, with a kiss I will never forget, burned deep into my memory.
Our love has not always been fireworks, but God has seen us through. His love for our marriage has never faltered and he has carried us through the depths. As we have now put God in the middle, He will strengthen us, and never let us part.
Forever isn't long enough!

Emma's new glasses

When I put her glasses on she looked around and starting pointing things out. I had no idea how near sighted she was! Her prescription is very strong. 

Turning it off

I feel so empowered. Being alone, guarding my Fe is a way to protect myself. Having my own feelings has never felt so good!