WOW, His light shines on me!

This is how I originally came to make the leap of faith, in.. well faith. Growing up I did not know God. I knew of him but didn't know that he loved me and was waiting. He was waiting for that moment when I tethered myself to him. It didn't happen overnight but began with a question. I dug deep into this question. Is this important, is this real, should I put my time into this faith that everyone else in my new family is professing?  I came to a similar conclusion of this C.S. Lewis quote. Mine wasn't quite as eloquent as his. I thought if God is not the maker of this earth and my soul, I'll die and cease to have conscious thought, no "HA HA, I was right, there is no God!" BUT, if I am wrong and I had not believed in God as my savior, therefore would not be saved, I'd live out an eternity burning in the pit of hell with all-consuming regret. That might have been a very selfish and very analytical push of faith. But that was what brought me to hear the word, which in turn change my heart of stone to one of flesh that softened and grew. My journey in life and my walk with Jesus thus far has had many highs and lows. Today, was another high. This I know for sure, life, when I don't turn away from the light is so much brighter and full of hope! It feels so much better to live by his word and take comfort in his presence than without. I pray that I hold on to this feeling and not let the darkness overtake me again. I am human, I will lose sight from time to time, but God is always there when I return saying "What took you so long!"

Onward Christian Soldiers!

Confirmation Day 

What you believe in & why - 

John 3:16 - For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. Also the words I speak in the Apostle and Nicene creeds. 

Why do I believe this? Because it was placed in my heart by the holy spirit as a baby. At that time I was claimed by Jesus as his own, and have felt it ever since. To have faith is to believe in something that you can see, hear or touch. "Seeing is believing, but sometimes the most real things in the world are things we can't see.." - Polar Express (favorite childhood movie). But God HAS touched my life, I have heard, seen, and felt His presence in my life. Once someone gives his heart to Jesus they can then see, hear and feel Him as well. 

Confirmation verse - 

Isaiah 41:10  - So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

I chose the verse because it will remind me that I have nothing to fear, God will always be there to lift me up. Just like in soccer when you are scrimmaging, it's smart to choose the best players first. God is my first choice, I want Him on my team in life. His mighty hand will lift me up and carry me through all obstacles I will face. 

A person in your life that has helped you (guided you) though faith - 

There are many people who I look up to in my faith. Pastor Eric, my youth leaders and friends at church, but my family is who I look up to the most. I sometimes hear my mom and dad read their daily devotional, pray before meals teaching my younger siblings how to pray as well. We always have talks in the car about what's going on in everyone's life, and God is always in those conversations. Whether it's trouble I'm having, or advice on how I can help a friend, they always talk through it with me and are always there for me. My mom and dad have taught through example and have shared with me how God's influence has pulled them through their tough times. 

A time when you felt close to God or a time when you had a prayer answered-

I've always felt closest to Jesus when I'm going through hard times and feel I have no one else I can or want to talk to. Last year was a very difficult time in my life when I wasn't sure what path my life was going to take. Having no control, I turned to God. He gave me comfort that everything would work out. Like in my confirmation verse I had to not fear because God was on our side. In the end he proved that He was there all along, and turned a bad situation into good. I am now in an even better place than I was before, proving to me God will always be by my side to get me in a better place even when I have no control. 

Life before Jesus.

What led you to be confirmed?

Now that you have Jesus - 

I've never known a life with out Jesus, however reading and learning about the bible has brought me closer to Him. I now know him on a deeper level, understanding that he is there in everything I do. Every Wednesday at confirmation class I learned more about Jesus, and what I am called to do. To be confirmed to me does not mean that I am done learning and growing, but instead confirms that I will be doing that for the rest of my life. Also being confirmed means I will now be a member of this church and the church all around the world. Being a member means I now have the responsibility to help our church grow and reach out to others who still need to be saved. Now that Jesus is in my life I never want to know a life without him, and I want as many others to know a life with him too.

How will you (or can you) share you faith with others-

I am now more confident that I will be able to share my faith with other people. I know that being a Christian means to live my life as an example of what it means to have God in my life. I feel one way I can help others is by being a good friend and listening, always looking for ways to show and share what God has done for me and what He can do for others. 

How can you serve others and/or serve the church-

I can be on the lookout for those in need, or a job that needs to be done. And when I see a need look inside myself at the gifts God has given me to see if I can help. I am great at math, maybe I can be the next church treasure #LOL. I'm a great soccer player, maybe I can start a team or referee. I'm really good at making friends, maybe I can be a friend to someone at school who doesn't have any. I can also use my time to feed the poor. 

Example of God's creation that has meaning to you. Why? -

God created me! He is the only one that knows me inside and out. My needs and wants, my past and future, my sin, and my heart. Even as I still grow and learn about myself, He knows me from before my birth to our life together in heaven.

490 and then some

Even if this wasn't written in my bible, for those we love it's easy to do. In fact, I think it's actually harder for the forgiven to accept. It's easy to take things out on people we love most, because we know they are safe. The words said in anger are just deep frustrations that need to be vented. Only those that love you know that it's not your true self, but life just getting you down. I've learned to be patient let the storm pass, and wait. Instead of anger to show love and understanding, and in return I get it back.

Fly away home

I'll Fly Away

Some bright morning when this life is over
I'll fly away
To that home on Gods celestial shore
I'll fly away

I'll fly away, oh glory
I'll fly away in the morning
When I die hallelujah by and by
I'll fly away

When the shadows of this life have gone
I'll fly away
Like a bird from these prison walls I'll fly
I'll fly away

I'll fly away, oh glory
I'll fly away in the morning
When I die hallelujah by and by
I'll fly away

Oh how glad and happy when we meet
I'll fly away
No more cold iron shackles on my feet
I'll fly away

I'll fly away oh glory
I'll fly away in the morning
When I die hallelujah by and by
I'll fly away

I'll fly away oh glory
I'll fly away in the morning
When I die hallelujah by and by
I'll fly away

Just a few more weary days and then
I'll fly away
To a land where joys will never end
I'll fly away

I'll fly away oh glory
I'll fly away in the morning
When I die hallelujah by and by
I'll fly away
I'll fly away

I'm at a loss for words, this has been a very hard week loosing two grandma's. So much will never be the same. Seeing the strength that both of these ladies possessed makes me continue on, and aspire to be greater. Someday I too will fly away, it's up to me now to make the most of this life God has given me.

Let the walls come down

So many secrets held, and holding them costs so much! Praying for healing, and the hope that one day you will let the walls come crashing down. Walls erected to keep others out, to dull the pain, to pretend things aren't the way they are. Those walls all that are paper thin, we can all see through. But what's on the other side is someone that God loves and wants desperately to be happy. The reason for the walls are understandable, yet not-necessary. Those that come knocking understand and turn away head hanged low, arms and heart aching. The walls WILL someday crash down, and those waiting will be there for you always and forever.

Shaken

So many things I'd like to say, but not my place and cannot. My snow globe shaken, nothing to do but watch the flakes float down and fall where they may. I pray for God to mold and shape me and I shall fall where ever He sees fit. 

Overwhelmed?

I feel like this most days! Putting out one fire after another. And God help me if the fire catches!

Emma playing (strangling) the dog.. dog bites her, she's now crying. Christian deciding to wrestle with Sam (which turns into a fight). Maddy leaving her door open, which in turn invites Emma to take her makeup. Emma who decided to take that makeup and paint a masterpiece on the wall, stairs and doors. Dane comes home to ask......"What's for dinner?"

Yes my house is insane most of the time. I try and try to make it a place that everyone wants to be with harmony. But right now.. here it comes, my favorite saying.. "IT IS WHAT IT IS."

I love them to death but it's hard! And I am not that person that can do it all, all of the time. Seriously I don't know a single person that can! 

Others have no right to judge, or offer unasked for advice on a situation that can not possibly be understood. Instead why not offer support, where ever it's needed. A nap, a meal, a shower, or sometimes just shoulder to cry on with an sympathetic ear. 

Remember from grade school sympathy is different from empathy. Just because you haven't gone through the same trials, doesn't mean you can't try to have sympathy. 

Why this rant? Because I have sympathy for a fellow mom. 

OlYMPIA — It’s an unthinkable crime, a mother accused of slitting the throats of her three young children.

http://q13fox.com/2015/01/26/detectives-say-olympia-mom-slashed-her-childrens-throats-because-she-wanted-them-to-stop-crying/

What this story does not tell is she is comes from a family of God. Her grandfather is very dear to me. He was the youth pastor when I came to God. It's easy to pick fingers as to why this happened... Postpartum, medication, alcohol, lack of support, ect. Instead of playing the blame game, we should forgive and pray for healing. Let God be at work! Playing the blame game, is satin's job. 

Oh happy day!

I'm flying, because she flew! 

Goodbye 2014

This past year I've done more inward evaluating, and assessing of myself and those that fit into my life than I've ever done before. I came to understand how my view of reality, my way of thinking, and my way of doing things were often times foreign to those around me. This understanding explained so much of why I felt so out of place at times. But I also learned that opening up to the people I love, those who love me no matter what showed me love has no boundaries.

Instead of New Year resolutions, I decided to reflect on what I've learned this year and carry it to 2015.

Making friends is hard for me. - I don't return phone calls, and I dread going out. Starbucks anyone?

Allie Brosh

Instincts - Trust my OWN.. not someone else's limited view of my reality!

This too shall pass / Just keep swimming - Time heals, changes, and delivers. Unfortunately, time seems to move very slowly when you're swimming upstream.

Forgiveness -  Easier said than done, but rewarding in the end. God calls us to forgive everyone.

Self Discovery - Scary to look into the darkness of my faults, and feel shitty. And even harder was it to accept that I am a good person because I try. I try hard to be a good mother, wife, and christian. I tend to put others first so I often repress my needs, which in turn builds a bubble of selfishness. What about MEEE! 

Allie Brosh

Skeletons - I let them out of the closet to dance freely... Feels GOOD! God helped, with this burden.

It doesn't matter what other people think!   - Not just a lesson I learned, I'm actively passing this on to my children! I

I am a sinner - So are YOU! 

I need God every day! - Daily devotions give me guidance.

Favorite Books 2014

Stephen King - On Writing

Quiet - Susan Cain

Not my puzzle - God's

 Psalms 37:5 says, “Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.”

I need to let go of my ideas of how God will deliver me and just trust Him. When I put my trust in God, that means to understand that trying to figure out things that are too great for my mind to comprehend is futile and can lead me astray. I will TRUST in the same God that proved it may look like there is no other direction to go, but GOD is the way! He too will part waters for me if needed.

I acknowledge this is very hard for me. I'm always looking at the many pieces around me crossing my path. I am constantly testing pieces in my mind to see how they fit, and what the picture would look like.

At first, it looks something like this...

But eventually a picture comes into focus...

So many pictures I've seen, but thus far I have yet to see a complete picture with smooth edges all fit in their rightful beautiful place. That picture only God sees! Who am I to shake the X-mas presents under the tree before the big day!

I can't change the fact I may miss small details and am constantly looking to my intuition to show a bigger picture. But I can sit back and admire God's amazing creation! Even in the darkest of times, I know God's masterpiece in the end will be more than you or I could ever fathom!

Cast the first stone!

Last weeks message from Pastor E. The story of Jesus attending a dinner at Simon s house.....

Jesus Anointed by a Sinful Woman

36 When one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him, he went to the Pharisee’s house and reclined at the table. 37 A woman in that town who lived a sinful life learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee’s house, so she came there with an alabaster jar of perfume. 38 As she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them.

39 When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner.”

40 Jesus answered him, “Simon, I have something to tell you.”

“Tell me, teacher,” he said.

41 “Two people owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii,[c] and the other fifty. 42 Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he forgave the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?”

43 Simon replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt forgiven.”

“You have judged correctly,” Jesus said.

44 Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. 45 You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. 46 You did not put oil on my head,but she has poured perfume on my feet. 47 Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.”

48 Then Jesus said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.”

49 The other guests began to say among themselves, “Who is this who even forgives sins?”

50 Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”

What Pastor E* said at the end of this message... It's easy to look at others and see their faults, but God wants you to only look at his magnificent creation.


Homosexuality - 1 Corinthians 6:0-11   Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

Adultery - John 8:4-11 They said to him, “Teacher, this woman has been caught in the act of adultery. Now in the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. So what do you say?” This they said to test him, that they might have some charge to bring against him. Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger on the ground. And as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to them, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.” And once more he bent down and wrote on the ground.   

Idolatry - Jeremiah 10:3-16   For the customs of the peoples are vanity. A tree from the forest is cut down and worked with an axe by the hands of a craftsman. They decorate it with silver and gold; they fasten it with hammer and nails so that it cannot move. Their idols are like scarecrows in a cucumber field, and they cannot speak; they have to be carried, for they cannot walk. Do not be afraid of them, for they cannot do evil, neither is it in them to do good.” There is none like you, O Lord; you are great, and your name is great in might. Who would not fear you, O King of the nations? For this is your due; for among all the wise ones of the nations and in all their kingdoms there is none like you.

Lying - Proverbs 19:5   A false witness will not go unpunished, and he who breathes out lies will not escape.

Greed - Proverbs 11:12    One gives freely,  yet grows all the richer; another withholds what he should give, and only suffers want.

Lust - Matthew 5:28    But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

and the list of sins go on. 


It's so hard not to judge others who you KNOW are judging you. Thoughts that come up.. Well YOU haven't been the best wife, mother, friend, CHRISTIAN either. Heck I'm writing this with several people in mind. But this is what God calls us to do, so I will try harder. And tomorrow will try even harder!

Sam - "Can you give me a dream?" God's plan

After the movie The Spookley (square) Pumpkin, I put Sam to bed with this dream.

David and Goliath - Samuel 1:17-58

The story of David and Goliath is a powerful reminder that even those who are considered different or unworthy can achieve great things if they have faith and trust in God's plan. Both the movie we watched and this biblical account show how being different doesn't matter when facing obstacles. What's important is having faith!

Mark 10:12

I believe this with all my heart. But what is possible only God can decide that, it's up to us to trust he has a plan, and not will things into place. 

Taste and see, that the Lord he is good

Christian had his first taste of wine tonight at confirmation. This was not communion as the wine was not blessed. The reason these 7th graders had a small taste of wine... To understand the reason behind this sacred act.

After their taste, pastor asked what they experienced. Most said how horrible the wine tasted. One girl noted that she felt a slight burn in her throat. Pastor then pointed out that taking communion is a tangible way for us to feel and remember that we are forgiven.

Thank you Pastor E*, for this valuable lesson that Christian was taught tonight. Also a big thank you for my refresher!

Sam - "Can you give me a dream?"

Sam wanted a dream.. but I had no idea what to come up with.

I'll say a word, and you give me an idea. "Moon."

Sam - Moon makes me think of night, I'm scared of the night. Give me a dream about Disneyland.

One night at Disneyland a boy...

Sam - Make sure it's not about me!

Ok.. One night at Disneyland Bobby was scared. Even though he was in the happiest place on earth, he wanted to go home now that it was dark. But his mom had picked out a great spot to what the fireworks.

In the sky, he looked up at the moon and shivered. He was scared of all the things he could not see! He kept looking around at shadows and noises. BOOM! What was that? A monster?

A flash of light soared through the air. The sparks of gold bloomed above the moon. The Disney fireworks had begun! Bobby watched in awe as light filled the sky with magic and wonder. He leaned over and whispered to his mom... I'm not afraid, let's stay a little longer.

Sam - He wasn't afraid anymore?

No, he learned that the beauty of light shows brightest when you're in the dark. The moon, the stars.. and Disney fireworks!

Simul iustus et peccator

We are both sinners and saints  

Luther calls Christians "simultaneously saint and sinner" because he redefines "saint" as a forgiven sinner. We are called saints not because we change into something different but because our relationship with God changes as a result of God's grace. Luther said: "The saints are sinners, too, but they are forgiven and absolved." 

When I look at myself in the mirror, I always see the reflection of a sinner. But when God looks at me, he sees me through Jesus. My sin is covered with Christ's own righteousness. Thanks be to God! 

http://www.thelutheran.org/article/article.cfm?article_id=4210

Repentance

There is about 18 inches between what is in your head and what you feel in your heart. 
To repent you not just think of your sins as wrong and ask forgiveness, you turn away from sin by showing it with your actions. 

Where am I going w/ this.... 
I was not forgiven for committing a sin that I knew I would repeat over and over again. Just like if Sam would push Emma.. then tell me he was sorry, but turn around and push her again. God wouldn't ask us to repent if he also knew we had the ability to turn away from the sin, an ability that he put inside us. The holy spirit gives us the strength to do anything that God commands us to do. 

I now feel fully forgiven, now that I have truly repented. We now have begun to turn away from the sin that was heavy on our hearts, by putting God in the middle. We now know our strengths and weaknesses, and are working on both. For this I am truly grateful. 

The storm

Storm raging all around, waves crashing into your life.
Jesus calm and at peace.
We cry out, save us, don't you care?
Jesus lifts he hands and stills the wind, waves, and sky.
Is your faith so weak that you fear the storm?

Oh what a glorious day that will be

Please come Jesus, let all the suffering end. My heart you know. My patience always lacks. I can only truly love you, I find splitting my splitting my heart for others hard. So please grant me the patience, for I know you plan is not my own. You will come on your own time, not mine.

Peace

My heart longs for peace.

 A peace that calms and make me whole.

 This peace I see long in my future.

 Day by day I will long and reach for it. 

Patience a virtue that I need to find within. 

Remind me who I am

When I lose my way,

And I forget my name

Remind me who I am

In the mirror all I see

Is who I don't wanna be

Remind me who I am

In the loneliest places

When I cant remember what grace is

Tell me, once again

Who I am to You, who I am to You

Tell me, lest I forget

Who I am to You, that I belong to You

To You

When my heart is like a stone,

And I'm running far from home

Remind me who I am

When I cant receive Your love

Afraid I'll never be enough

Remind me who I am

If I'm Your beloved can You help me believe it

Tell me, once again

Who I am to you, who I am to You

Tell me, lest I forget

Who I am to you, that I belong to You

To You

I'm the one You love, I'm the one You love

That will be enough, I'm the one You love

Tell me, once again

Who I am to you, who I am to You

Tell me, lest I forget

Who I am to you, that I belong to You

Tell me, once again

Who I am to You, who I am to You

Tell me, lest I forget

Who I am to You, that I belong to You

To You

To You

-Jason Gray