Shaken

So many things I'd like to say, but not my place and cannot. My snow globe shaken, nothing to do but watch the flakes float down and fall where they may. I pray for God to mold and shape me and I shall fall where ever He sees fit. 

Overwhelmed?

I feel like this most days! Putting out one fire after another. And God help me if the fire catches!

Emma playing (strangling) the dog.. dog bites her, she's now crying. Christian deciding to wrestle with Sam (which turns into a fight). Maddy leaving her door open, which in turn invites Emma to take her makeup. Emma who decided to take that makeup and paint a masterpiece on the wall, stairs and doors. Dane comes home to ask......"What's for dinner?"

Yes my house is insane most of the time. I try and try to make it a place that everyone wants to be with harmony. But right now.. here it comes, my favorite saying.. "IT IS WHAT IT IS."

I love them to death but it's hard! And I am not that person that can do it all, all of the time. Seriously I don't know a single person that can! 

Others have no right to judge, or offer unasked for advice on a situation that can not possibly be understood. Instead why not offer support, where ever it's needed. A nap, a meal, a shower, or sometimes just shoulder to cry on with an sympathetic ear. 

Remember from grade school sympathy is different from empathy. Just because you haven't gone through the same trials, doesn't mean you can't try to have sympathy. 

Why this rant? Because I have sympathy for a fellow mom. 

OlYMPIA — It’s an unthinkable crime, a mother accused of slitting the throats of her three young children.

http://q13fox.com/2015/01/26/detectives-say-olympia-mom-slashed-her-childrens-throats-because-she-wanted-them-to-stop-crying/

What this story does not tell is she is comes from a family of God. Her grandfather is very dear to me. He was the youth pastor when I came to God. It's easy to pick fingers as to why this happened... Postpartum, medication, alcohol, lack of support, ect. Instead of playing the blame game, we should forgive and pray for healing. Let God be at work! Playing the blame game, is satin's job. 

Exodus - Part the oceans

I would like nothing more than to have peaceful mornings with my precious toddler girl. Yet have 3 kids to get to school, and even then I'm held back to do fun things with Emma. This is supposed to be our time to visit libraries, feed ducks, go to the park, zoo, ect, ect.  Sorry Emma you will be strapped into a carseat for the majority of your morning. Your nap will come when and if i can.

Emma is precious along with other amazing adjectives, she is also SO tolerant bless her heart! Many mornings we are in the car waiting for one or more siblings to get their butt in gear. I try to make it fun with music or her favorite, honking the horn to get them to HURRY UP!!!!  But it's exhausting for both of us to say the least! 

4 kids - what the hell were we thinking!?? That's what others may say or think, but not us. We've been dealt a lot of difficulties that could not have been foretold. Every family is different w/ different challenges they must face. 

So I count my blessing that ALL four of my kids are physically healthy. The problems that we do face, God is there, and the perseverance he gives us, WILL not only get through these trials set before us but make them lessons we can pass on to others. This gives me purpose, hence why I blog (privately)  and share my experiences w/ other mothers. We are only ONE person,  but when we get together and collaborate we can make oceans part! 

21 Then Moses stretched out his hand over the sea, and all that night the Lorddrove the sea back with a strong east wind and turned it into dry land. The waters were divided, 22 and the Israelites went through the sea on dry ground,with a wall of water on their right and on their left.

Self Care

By nature I can easily take care of someone and give good insights to what others need. But when it comes to taking care of myself I fall short (no pun intended). How do I make MYSELF happy, what does happiness even mean to me? I get so wrapped up in other peoples drama, problems, or accomplishments that I forget about myself. Heck, I even forget to eat some days. I become blind to my own needs, what ever they are. But in the end, when my ear has been bent, problem solved, I am left with myself. Who even is that? Is my cup half full, half empty? Often times I don't even know, I just feel MEH.

(edited from Giving Tree book)

Recently I read some advice that spoke volumes to me.

INFJ Counselor -

"Brandy, you have a precious little girl, she's about 3, and needs your protection and understanding. She may have been ignored and lied to for awhile, but she is always being forgotten, and needs some loving and attention. Do you think you can adopt her? Take care of her this year? Let her know you trust her and she can trust you? Good! Her name is Brandy. Don't forget about her...she's holding your hand right now." 

So much easier to take time to help myself when I look at myself this way. Yes, I can say "NO" to others and prioritize some time for her. Yes, I see her worthy. Yes, I would love to make her happy! But No, I will not talk to about myself in the third person. :) 

Dane would often say to me.... PUT YOUR OXYGEN MASK ON FIRST! It always seemed such a selfish thing to do. Logically I know it makes sense, because if you don't take care of yourself and passout, or in my case burnout, you are not able to take care of those that depend on you. But my thinking was always... Oh it takes 2 seconds, why not just put them first. But 2 seconds turn into 2 more, and then 2 more (4 kids ya know). Before you know it, the seemingly invisible help or advice everyone receives, is burned out. 

If I look at myself as someones daughter, mother, wife, who needs to be taken care of, I think I can do just that. I realize that if I take better care of myself and give myself insightful advice, I am able to stand lovingly take care of others. 

Oh happy day!

I'm flying, because she flew!