Self Care

By nature I can easily take care of someone and give good insights to what others need. But when it comes to taking care of myself I fall short (no pun intended). How do I make MYSELF happy, what does happiness even mean to me? I get so wrapped up in other peoples drama, problems, or accomplishments that I forget about myself. Heck, I even forget to eat some days. I become blind to my own needs, what ever they are. But in the end, when my ear has been bent, problem solved, I am left with myself. Who even is that? Is my cup half full, half empty? Often times I don't even know, I just feel MEH.

(edited from Giving Tree book)

Recently I read some advice that spoke volumes to me.

INFJ Counselor -

"Brandy, you have a precious little girl, she's about 3, and needs your protection and understanding. She may have been ignored and lied to for awhile, but she is always being forgotten, and needs some loving and attention. Do you think you can adopt her? Take care of her this year? Let her know you trust her and she can trust you? Good! Her name is Brandy. Don't forget about her...she's holding your hand right now." 

So much easier to take time to help myself when I look at myself this way. Yes, I can say "NO" to others and prioritize some time for her. Yes, I see her worthy. Yes, I would love to make her happy! But No, I will not talk to about myself in the third person. :) 

Dane would often say to me.... PUT YOUR OXYGEN MASK ON FIRST! It always seemed such a selfish thing to do. Logically I know it makes sense, because if you don't take care of yourself and passout, or in my case burnout, you are not able to take care of those that depend on you. But my thinking was always... Oh it takes 2 seconds, why not just put them first. But 2 seconds turn into 2 more, and then 2 more (4 kids ya know). Before you know it, the seemingly invisible help or advice everyone receives, is burned out. 

If I look at myself as someones daughter, mother, wife, who needs to be taken care of, I think I can do just that. I realize that if I take better care of myself and give myself insightful advice, I am able to stand lovingly take care of others. 

Oh happy day!

I'm flying, because she flew! 

Blogs

Neglecting this blog, working on my other. Lots of updates, and progress. 

Love suffers long

Today's sermon spoke to my heart and begs others to listen. Corinthians 13: 4 first-line... "LOVE IS PATIENT." When we are not patient with others, it does not reflect God's love. How many times has God been patient with us? Just a minute after we are forgiven we are bound to sin again. 

I always have good intentions that fall flat, and God forgives me and will always be patient with me. 

Being patient is always harder when we're under stress. Lack of sleep, time, money, etc. can easily make the best of us lose patients. I pray for patience several times throughout the day, I battle so many stresses that weigh me down. I also pray for those I love, to have patience with me. 

The other day Christian did not pop out of bed to get ready for school. I found him warm in bed with the covers over his head I pushed and pushed, got angry, and lost my patience. Then I gave it some time, gave up on getting him to school, and prayed for patience. All morning I assumed he was just being lazy and defiant. After patiently listening I learned he was upset about his great-grandpa's death the night before.

Being patient also means you get the whole story! Instead of just assuming you know what is what, ask. Be open and listen with an open heart and mind. What little YOU SEE of someone's life, is not their reality. Making judgments based on your view is not loving someone. Love is patient, love is kind! Ask and learn THEIR  truth. 

Love suffers long NKJV

(Patient - suffering)

Tenth Avenue North - Healing Begins 

So you thought you had to keep this up
All the work that you do so we think that you're good
And you can't believe it's not enough
All the walls you built up are just glass on the outside

So let 'em fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark, the light meets the dark

Afraid to let your secrets out
Everything that you hide can come crashing through the door now
But too scared to face all your fear
So you hide but you find that the shame won't disappear

So let it fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now, we're here now, oh

Last memory

Last October I traveled to Salt Lake to celebrate Grandpa's 90th birthday. Only a few of the greats were there, they got restless in the house with a bunch of grown up. I took them out to play rake the crisp leaves. After we got a huge pile ready to jump in I told my nephews to get everyone. Grandma and Grandpa came out to watch the fun. The smile on Grandpa's face while enjoying the chaos of their greats playing, was the last great memory I will have of him.