His world magnified

Lordy, Lordy, look who's 40!

Not me! Buhahaha... I got a year and a half on ya! That said...

Happy Birthday Dane!!! 

Beautiful heart.

You didn’t make a mistake by loving them. You should never regret loving. You didn’t make a mistake by giving them a chance. That’s a reason of strength, not shame. You didn’t make a mistake by trusting them, believing them or being there for them. Do you know why? You actions reflect you. You would do this for anyone that comes your way. It just happened that those were not appreciative of your pure intentions. You didn’t make a mistake. The mistake was their choice to make by not respecting and appreciating your beautiful heart. ~– Najwa Zebian

Perfectionism

This week Christian failed in his eyes. Receiving his first C in his adv bio class has proved to be the end of the world. This takes me back to the time he would obsess about laying his train tracks out in perfect order taking his sweet time. Then having a complete meltdown when his baby sister would remove a piece of track, finding a new button to push begging to get his attention.

Summit ahead, or another peak to climb?

Nah.. I know there will be many peaks and valleys. 

I love this time at night when I can just breathe, and finally analyze the day from all the different angle I've had to juggle. Sometimes I take this time to research things that have plagued my mind, other times I just feel like turning the day off by watching a movie or reading. It depends on how selfish I am, the more of myself I have lost the more I feel like diving into another world. Today like most days I was extremely busy, but unlike most days today felt more hopeful. You see most days I feel like one step forward two steps back.

Today felt like there was actual hope to not only to make a difference, but see someone else take one, two, three steps forward! I'm not only once again hopeful.. but also feeling prideful.  

Soccer 3 years ago... Wow how they've grown!

First day of preschool for my last!

It was a bitter-sweet day... bitter for me, sweet for Emmalyn. She has been so excited to start school! Every fall morning, in Emma's eyes, she saw all her siblings (x Maddy) leave home to have adventures she had missed out on! Emma's outgoing personality craves to interact with others, whether at the grocery store talking with every grown-up that passed or at the playground making best friends, she would never see again. I'm grateful she loves going to school, and will finally have her own adventures!!! But I have to admit that having my fourth child be so independent and extroverted is a learning curve that is sure to whiplash me every step of the way. I'm not sure that I'm ready for this whirlwind child!

INFJ friendship

Known her from the first time I joined an INFJ group. Thank you Kristina for the book! It's been a long time since I read a hard-copy book. 

Splash Park summer 2016

Braces are off!

Gladstone shooting.. A little too close to home!

http://www.kptv.com/story/32713701/officer-involved-shooting-in-gladstone-near-99e-and-gloucester

Officer-involved shooting in Gladstone, suspect barricaded with hostage

Posted: Aug 08, 2016 7:12 PMUpdated: Aug 08, 2016 7:27 PM

By FOX 12 Staff

CONNECT

 

Photo: Kathleen Jimenez

GLADSTONE, OR (KPTV) -

Clackamas County Sheriff's Office said an officer has been involved in a shooting in Gladstone.

CCSO said the situation is developing in the area and people are asked to avoid the area of 99E and Gloucester.

According to CCSO, the suspect in the shooting is barricaded with a hostage. SWAT has been deployed.

Praying all my Gladstone officers are safe!

Clackamas Sheriff 

✔@ClackCoSheriff

Gladstone Officer who was shot is ok. Scene is still developing, please avoid area.

7:32 PM - 8 Aug 2016

 
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Sam is the MAN!

I'm never sure who is going to be joining me on my adventures to the grocery store, soccer practice, or the ever scary doctors office!!! One day my hero may be Captain America, the next Spider-man, a clone trooper, Batman, Black-widow, stealth ninja (this ones reserved for mall trips to hide in clothing racks). Sam is just too cool for jeans and a t-shirt, instead he'll sport a pair of cargo pants, brown leather jacket and a satchel in place of his backpack to school. When he exits our car, the drop off assistant is excited Indiana Jones made it to school on time! 

Beach trip 2016

Our 5th child Zoey joined us this year for the trip to Lincoln City. 

studying..

Theory of Mind

Theory of Mind is the branch of cognitive science that investigates how we ascribe mental states to other persons and how we use the states to explain and predict the actions of those other persons. More accurately, it is the branch that investigates mindreading or mentalizing or mentalistic abilities. These skills are shared by almost all human beings beyond early childhood. They are used to treat other agents as the bearers of unobservable psychological states and processes, and to anticipate and explain the agents’ behavior in terms of such states and processes. These mentalistic abilities are also called “folk psychology” by philosophers, and “naïve  psychology” and “intuitive psychology” by cognitive scientists.

In respect to LYING.

My first rodeo

The people watching fantastic, the show exciting.. but my energy was spent before the final act. Maybe next year we'll all stay for the firework finally. 

Reading a classic

Dante's Inferno

 

Reads like a poetic Stephen King. 

Fruition

I have a melody in my head. I created it when I was a teen, and love to hum it when ever I feel joy. I've even put different lyrics to the song depending on why I'm singing. Someday, someday someday... I will learn how to put that melody onto paper.

Note self. .... http://www.fortenotation.com/

Wisdom for my children.. who do not get along!

Gladstone United - Last Game

This year, Christian's last year in middle school Gladstone Unit was undefeated!  Not even our rivals could squash these boys from giving coach Brian the send off he deserved. These boys worked so hard to get to where they are..  a team united not only with talent, but with an amazing drive and passion. Christian took away so many lessons, achievements, and memories in the years he spent playing for coach Brian.

I look forward to cheering these boys toward many more goals in the next 4 years... Gladstone High School Soccer!

During the last game each GU player had their number held up to sub out. The last quarter played by their predecessors. GU players then ceremoniously dumped huge Gatorade container of water on coach Brian's head! 

Paradigm

 A paradigm is a new way of looking or thinking about something.

So many things I see a new view of, just trying to grasp what my take on this new picture I've deduced.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paradigm

I'm so hot ;)

This heat is kicking my butt! I wish I could be carefree and playful like these girls enjoying the sun. But when the temperature goes above 90 I get crabby and woeful!

*Video soon to be deleted at the request of *M

Time keeps on slipping...

I think my rebellious teens, my short career as a 911 dispatcher, and constant early/midlife drama at has tainted my taste for this life as a SAHM. I can imagine a life other than what is, and still come back to the reality that I would choose no different. But the fact remains I'm languishing here. I find little joy in house work (other than my OCDP tendencies), don't enjoy constantly arguing with little people, and find little to talk about with my husband about at the end of the day when all is quiet.

I try to keep my head above the fog. Every couple months I binge through a book or two, I recently started exercising with a friend, and then there's always netflix or youtube to fill the gap in time when kids are in bed but the sun rays say it's too early to dream. BUT I'M STILL BORED!!!  SIGH... I don't care much for painful drama, but something needs to change I'm feeling so stagnant! Yes, I know there are lot of ideas and opportunities to do "things", but they all just feel like I'm just filling up time. Time that I have to spend with other people.. ugg! Time that I could be doing.....

K.. I'm done rant over. back to Netflix :(

Happy 8th Birthday Samuel!

Grandpa W* put together an amazing map that led to the treasure.

The rain did not detour these adventurers! 

The archaeological dig was a hit! 

The kids all loved their treasure chests! Sam decorated 3, and I did the rest. ;)

What an intersting day!

All of my kids were super nice today. This morning I went to the mall w/ Maddy and Emma to buy Sams bday present. Maddy with her own $$ bought Emma a build a bear horse! Later baby sat, painted a bird house w/ Emma and dressed her up w/ bows in her hair. Usually don't believe in the cosmic thing.. but hmmm today sure was interesting!

Happy 13th Birthday M*

Emma decorated her cookie! 

Celebrated this year with Jenny, Zoe, and Tiffany at Oaks Park. 

Sing

One of my favorite bands. I love to watch his facial features as he belts out lyrics. I can feel and remember the emotions that come while singing. Although I always shyed away from solos I loved the feel of my voice projected, yet concealed by others. Projecting my feelings through song, having it flow from myself out into the world.

Christian's Track!

400 Meters

11	1:12.17a	Apr 15	WRL - LJHS, Ogden @ Kraxberger	8 F
6	1:12.88a	Apr 21	WRL - Athey Creek, Gardiner @ Kraxberger	8 F

800 Meters

10	2:48.81a	Apr 15	WRL - LJHS, Ogden @ Kraxberger	8 F
2	2:41.92a	Apr 21	WRL - Athey Creek, Gardiner @ Kraxberger	8 F

1500 Meters

8	5:39.79a	Apr 15	WRL - LJHS, Ogden @ Kraxberger	8 F
4	5:26.69a	Apr 21	WRL - Athey Creek, Gardiner @ Kraxberger	8 F

Oh my!

CTC

For how much I hate the mall, I sure am there a lot! She (M) wants to shop a lot, and make her rounds. Finally fitting into a double 0, all the shops are now game. Walking off stress/anxiety before her bell is set ring, we circle the mall in search of pretty things (oh crap, I'm rhyming again). As much as I hate to shop, I actually long to do it on my own! With no one in toe, maybe I might find it enjoyable. Might actually buy something besides taquitos at TacoTime... sigh ;)

Note to self/M - Bucket list 23 has already been crossed off - running up on the down escalator ... Next time the mall cops might come! No need to do it twice :)

I am free, are you?

True true! Ask for forgiveness, repent, and turn a new leaf. OR... you can keep digging to make your hole big enough for you and those that refuse to see the light themselves. I've felt the pain of what secrets do, they dig a fester like worms in a dark hole. A hole is what your in. The sooner you climb out and face the blinding truth, the sooner you can feel the sun's warmth.We're all human and make mistakes, own them! Huddle all you want, but eventually you'll be blinded by the light being kicked and pulled, in this life or the next. Be gracious, climb out on your own! I did,

Thoughtful conscience

Glasdtone United

Had a really good game on Saturday. Decided on the impromptu team party. Sent this picture to the Whiskey Hill coach. We're ready for them. #GLADSTONEUNITED

Christian's 15th Birthday!

Christian's 12th Birthday!

 

From night to day

I felt your pain the moment you woke.
Blissful dreams seared by blinding light.
Crimson clouds surrounds and chokes.
That peaceful bliss you held so tight.
I wish your dreams to start anew.
For today we start a day brand new.

-Brandalyn

Happy 4th Birthday Emmalyn!

Loves clothes. Especially shoes! 

Asks to pet every dog she sees. 

Sings to the radio in the car.

Misses her brother at school yet loves alone time with me.

Recently cut her own hair. 

Has amblyopia but hides her glasses/patches all over the house.

Her favorite show is Heidi. 

Loves her sister's makeovers. 

Still fiddles with my hair when sleepy. 

Has dad wrapped around her little finger! 

Makes me smile every day! 

Bride and future bride to be

Crystals last fitting. It was an honor for Emma and I to attend! 

Another laptop bites the dust

I miss blogging!

Two screens broken in one week! Our TV and my laptop. 

Now what?!!

Once again at a dead end with the stakes rising. What now? Have been told to put it in God's hands, but what does that even mean for me? Advice coming from all sides, are blurring my insight. I am at a loss what to do and having no path planned is making me feel lost, and disheartened! I feel like my heart is becoming calloused, I'm losing myself.

Anywhere but here!

I had a different blog post I was writing.. it was very poignant, deep and epic....

But all I really feel right now at this moment is running far, far way! Just like someone else I know. To be anywhere but here! I'm right there with ya hon, but alas tomorrow is coming, the sun will rise on the same place we lay our heads tonight. We'll wake up clinging to the dreams we always wish to keep. Will tomorrow be the day you to roll over and wish to be somewhere else, or will you push on like I do? Determined to fight for a better view?

Single mom + benifits

Dane working his 9 to 5 job then pouring his heart into his business, ends up working 120+ hours a week. At times I feel like a single mom, putting her big girl panties on to do what needs to be done. I wish I could feel accomplished, but I often drop the ball! Four kids who depend on me can be exhausting! Even so, I can't sleep restfully at night. I am constantly plagued with guilt that I could be, should be doing so much more for my kids. I constantly complain to myself and retreat in my head, making it hard to focus on the things that need to be done. And the the balls drop!

you never know until you try!

Being weak/lazy.. it's an excuse
scared.. an excuse
too proud.. stupid excuse

I get it.. trying is hard! Out of your comfort zone.. eeek! But pride, that just leaves you to yourself in your own little, tiny box!

Happy New Year! 2016

Stayed up till midnight this year! Now it's time for bed after I figure out my resolution....