Dad's funeral speech, I never said (draft)

Everyone knows my dad at a glance, within the kaleidoscope of memories. I hope to hear more about who my dad was today.

For me, I don't remember much before I was 10—just bits and pieces before he and my mom's divorce. I think I blocked it all out because of the hurt at the time. The next 10 years I spent with my mom and stepfather. Summers, I would come to visit. We always made the trip to Disneyland and my beloved In-N-Out Burger. He'd always complain I ate him out of "house & home"... duh, I was a teenager. Sash would always take me under her wing to hang out and chill.

When my oldest was born, I was extremely proud to introduce his first grandson. I shot a video of him and Christian in our living room, practicing how to crawl. I remember that feeling like it was yesterday!

(Find this video/pics)

Again, 2 years later, he was here to watch Maddy crawl for the first time.

(Ditto)

The most common memory is the greeting at the airport... and the saying goodbye, which honestly makes me the most sad. I know you're supposed to be upbeat about someone's life. But what about telling everyone you care about TODAY..."I love you and you matter to me!"

Anyone wanna guess what Sam's making tonight?

fun day for them, relaxing for me!!!!

My in-laws took everyone minus M* and me on the Polar Express train yesterday! M*s got her days and nights flipped, so I took the day took the day to pamper Chloe and me!! I even ate a hot meal at Taco Del Mar, YUM! Unfortunately, the manicure my mom treated me did not survive 😔 Should have left the cleaning to Dane! 😅

Emma's ticket

Pinknose

 Incase anyone wonders why we dyed our MALE cat pink.....

We kept the one
Ragdoll with the soft fur. 

The last time Grandma watched our critters (beach vacay). She got confused about which cat was the outdoor cat. So she tried to push our VERY ANXIOUS Siamese out the back door!!! Since then, she has tried to build trust with our brat Sunny. 

This time around, Grandma has a cataract! So she has to close one eye to see the world, and she's not planning on getting it fixed until after her next cruise at the end of December! So, the kids are having fun deciding what to do about Pinknose when we go to Disneyland. 4 critters to take care of! One funny was to capture a skunk (we have a black cat). Another plan was to innovate a mini cow (Sam calls the dog a cow because she's black/white and sometimes stinks). Dane and I think we'll make do with a big funny poster and stick it to the front door. But with this family, who knows!! 

Feelings at Dads funeral. (draft still working on it)

 I haven't posted since my dads death. I often do this on my blog... retreat, post then retreat again. It's my decision I don't have to write, no one expects me to. Yet.. it pulls me back. I feel a pull to write This pull doesn't connect me to others as I don't allow comments. It's more of a pull to write in a space that others and experience and feel what they feel. I often look back at old family videos and feel an intense love! But those same videos won't feel a inch of love from those who don't have connection to us. BECAUSE we're all becoming disconnected,,  more so now then ever.