Goodbye for now. I love you dad!

I got that call, then dropped and folded into myself. It felt like someone was ripping a piece of my heart. I had to protect it, hold my heart inside my body. Ran outside and held onto a chair to keep me from falling to the ground. Then I looked up, pleading for it all to stop...I was not ready! My chest heaved violently, couldn't catch a breath. I felt as though my heart might rip in two. Why was I having such a crippling reaction to my dad's death? I never felt that close to him but that's what I realized, I wanted so much more with him! Always had that pull that needed him! I've had a rough 10 years with kids, marriage, and life in general. He was always so understanding and open to listening. Our relationship had evolved to an understanding that his divorce from my mom was never divorce from me. Of course, it took me having my own trials and tribulations to realize the relationship I could have with my dad depended a lot on me letting go of the past. I know I will see him again! No tears will fill my eyes, just joy, and peace. Until then, I'll keep all the good memories I had of him tucked close to my heart! 

Teasing the dogs

 

Jenn's published works! So proud!!!

 

Jennifer Usselman uses raw honesty, humor, personal story and scripture to invite us on a journey to days lived with more love, joy, peace and the many gifts God offers us if we choose to sit with Him and learn the way to a better life, indeed the very best possible. Don't miss out. Let's lace up our walking shoes and put one foot and one choice in front of the other to a place called Better! An excerpt from Choosing to Choose Better: "I love choices. Don’t you? I choose chocolate instead of vanilla, smooth over prickly, salty over sweet—no, actually I choose both of those twisted together! Choices are wonderful and somewhat mindless when we’re talking about flavors or textures we prefer or styles of clothing and artwork. However, the choosing I would like to talk to you about is a kind that comes unnaturally. It is the intentional act of stopping before acting so you don’t inflict hurt on yourself or others.... Have you ever felt like me? Dried out and hollow? Like you’re ruining the life you have been given? I promise that if you trust God and His will for your life found in His Word, you will start to become new and transform in ways you cannot fathom. This is an invitation to all who feel deep down, or even at a surface level, that there is hope in real change and that if we want more connection, calm, and love in our lives it is indeed attainable, if only we choose to choose better. We are paused at the road’s fork. Are you ready to do the unnatural? Trust me: this will only hurt a little…"Don't put off living your best life even one more day, let's do this!

Emma School Pictures 2020-1021

 

2020 = Chocolate Chip Pancakes

Dad is great he makes chocolate pancakes. It's a song mom sings when Dad makes me this for breakfast EVERY DAY! Everyone around me wants 2021 to come fast, but 2020 for me has been a great year for Dad and me! During lockdown Dad would take us for drives to get out of the house every night, I get to do school from home, and I've got the entire kitchen table for my toy horse arena! Mom is very busy doing mom stuff, so's dad. But dad always takes breaks to help mom out and clean! It's nice having everyone home until it's not. Every night I get upset because of something my older siblings said or left me out of. But Dad always ends my night with Uno and a prayer. 2020 was not a good year for a lot of people, but for me, it was a year of Dad and chocolate chip pancakes.