Ham Bone Soup Yum!

Paired with cornbread. YUM!!

We'll miss you!

Words can't describe how much we will miss this guy. He was an amazing cat who brought so much joy to all of us. I have never known a more affectionate cat than he.

Dane bought this cat last year for Maddy who needed some joy in her life. It took a while for her warm up to a kitten who was very rambunctious, and was not content to just sit and cuddle. But eventually like everyone else captured her heart with his loving nature. He was a lover who craved affection and could not be ignored.

Me - Tripped over him often with him purring at my feet. Placed him many a times in Emma's lap to cheer her up or keep her occupied. Was not ragdoll, but acted as such. I often marveled at how he'd put up with Emma carrying him, brushing, applying make up, ect.

Dane - Like I said he bought this cat to cheer up Maddy. He enjoys and takes pride in making us happy. With his humor, with his love, and with his gifts. This is not his first time making us fall in love with a cat. As a teen he bought me my first cat (Sebastian) from someone giving cats away at a convenient store. Ditch dived to save a stray (Mittens) in the middle of the night on a back country road.  Outbid his sister in a school charity auction to win his daughters heart with a kitten (Dollar, such a fitting name).

Sam - Loved "playing" hide and seek (aka chase the cat).

Christian - His room was the cat's refuge. He would often sleep on his bed or in his chair as this was the only place to keep the littles at bay.

Maddy - Complained (but got a kick out of it) that he would climb in the cubbies behind her bed, walk across her keyboard, and meow for her to feed him every night.

Emma - She was by far the hardest for us to tell the bad news, even though we knew she would not fully understand and would not dwell on the loss. Blacky (her name for him) was her cat. She spent more time and bonded with him than anyone else. Every morning she would feed and cuddle him. Every time we came home she'd announce to him we were home. Every time she was sad he would cheer her up. Every time he crossed her path she would scoop him up and LOVE him. And it broke our heart knowing those were now memories left in the past.

He is now buried at Wenzel Mountain next to my great love Daneo. His tombstone has yet to be written. What was his name?

No name (because Maddy could not / would not think of one)
Blacky
Grey beard
Chocolate Chip
Shadow

All names we considered for him this last year, but maybe we'll just settle on Kitty. We will all miss him terribly, as he was a member of our family!

Hair by Emma

Seriously thinking of chopping my hair off. Long hair is easy to just brush and be on my way so I've always kept it long. But I'm thinking if there is less hair to pull maybe it will break Emma and Sam's habit.

My Letterman jacket!

Found this in my mom's closet on Thanksgiving. I barley graduated HS but I lettered in Choir! :)

Why I blog?

Those that know me well noticed I haven't blogged in a long time and know why. For those that don't, I'll clue you in. When I'm busy, stressed or down I tend to keep everything in. But then I get sick of the insistent chatter in my mind and crave this outlet.

I don't have friends that I open up to. I share with my husband, my mom and my therapist. Friends never seem to work out for me. I have lots of surface friends which are great to call upon if I need them or they need me. But have yet to find someone to have a that "BFF" relationship with. It's understandable though, those relationships are hard to come by. Someone you can be yourself around and trust. I don't like parties, clubs, shopping, and "girls night out." I'm more of a "lets get coffee and chat, or go see a movie together" kind of friend (not very exciting).

Back to my rambling regarding my blog. I love writing and creating to explain what I make sense of this life. There's so much more to life than just what's on the surface. I'm more than just a mom, but that duty I take very seriously. If / when my kids read my blog I want them to see more than just "mom" stuff. I want them to see someone who is not afraid to be themselves! Not just see a blog that showcases highlights and hides the rest (they'll get enough of that from Facebook). I am who I am, not just.."I am my kids' mom." They know I'm not perfect (LOL), someday they may actually relate to some of my joys and trials.

I think a lot, A LOT! Evaluating thoughts and feelings of everyone around me all the time. With my family, it's like a chess game to keep everyone happy. Having 4  kids w/ 4 very different personalities it is a very difficult game to play. Even though I am very good at understanding and predicting what's going on w/ my kids, I can't always control outcomes (hence is life).

As for myself, I am horrible at understanding my feelings and actions. However, when I sit and write things become clear. I can then see myself from many angles based on my audience, and then all of a sudden I can hear what advice or point of view they would have.  Also, it helps putting words out there, getting things off my packed mind. Obviously I don't post everything I write, as I don't want to scare, bore, or embarrass myself or others.

Writing is telepathy*! Simple as that. No, you can not read what someone is thinking, but rather paint the picture in their head, hence you now know what they are seeing. How cool is that! Problem with crafting poems, stories, and blog posts on my feelings, is it's impossible (although I try my best) to paint a clear enough picture. There are too many spots for my readers to fill in their own blanks. And since they don't know me well enough, the picture they often get is WRONG! :( But I'll continue on anyways, because I'm learning not to care what others think of me and to just be myself! Those that really understand who I really am, I hold dear.

So love me or hate me... If your reading this, I'm on your mind!

Know I am human and make mistakes.
Know I am Christian and am forgiven.
Know I am my kids' mom, no one love them like I do.
Know I am a perfectionist, who does not settle.
Know I am smart, love researching and expanding my interests.
Know I like solitude, but miss you when I'm gone.
Know I am social, but don't like superficial nonsense.
Know I am not scatterbrained, just lack paying attention to details.
Know I am open minded, but am difficult to change my mind.
Know I am warm hearted, not sensitive and fragile.
Know I am petite, but strong willed.
Know I love who I am!

*Stephen King - What Writing Is  http://user101.tccc.cc.nc.us/Swood/111/KingonWriting.htm