Friday, January 7, 2022
Finn socializing some more
Tuesday, December 28, 2021
Present in the hear and now!
An exert from my vacation post I'm still working on...
After a stressful, tearful TSA experience without my daughter, AND finding out my flight to SNA was canceled! I started over at PDX to hopefully get another ticket and meet the rest of my family.
I'm not a seasoned traveler. So with a ton of stress, I panicked, worried I would not get on a flight out! Will that guy three rows ahead get the last ticket? What about that family? Hmm... I don't see any Disney swag, they might be safe. My head was swarming with "What if's." I did manage to get a few rows up by asking politely to cut, they could tell I was stressed wanting to get to my family. But politeness doesn't get you that far when everyone else is in the same boat. I then became mindful and slowed down. My anxiety began to wane. I found people-watching at the airport helped get my mind off the "What if's" and I was able to be present in the moment and not stuck in my swimming head. I made good memories in that line! With thoughts of our new puppy at home with Grandma, I turned my attention to the many companion dogs. There was a Doodle puppy who was not being properly trained. Treats to get him/her to stop barking just re-enforces the habit...it barked a lot and peed. The poor owner was clearly stressed out and embarrassed. A German Sheppard puppy with floppy ears flying cargo. He was having a great conversation with the Doodle pup 😆. A spoiled Cavalier-Spaniel flying cargo for the first time. She had a teen owner with Dad and brothers going to enjoy the sun. The San Fransico rescue that was part Lhaso Apso part Havanese (Hava-Apso) SPOILED rotten that old pup. The family of redheads, whose little boy really wanted a German Sheppard puppy. The extremely grumpy guy who had to borrow tape at the ticket counter to close his package, I hope your day got better!
Being stuck overnight in an airport must SUCK! A lot of that line consisted of that. They all just wanted to get home for the holidays! And I just wanted to meet my family safely in California!!!
Thursday, December 9, 2021
spoon therory
Too fast!!!
I'd be mad too! Mom (me, myself, and I) said we would go to do something today now it's been scheduled for tomorrow if I can, then I got "squirreled" doing something else. That doesn't mean that I don't love him. Sigh...can everyone in this family give me a HOT MINUTE to get everyone on the same page!!!
A conundrum I can type, however, I don't like the pressure. UGGG he's taking a speed run course on nutrition. Great subject to study, but not so great when he suffers from OCD. But hey we're learning a lot of great info! He dictates I type.
Wednesday, December 8, 2021
Our next family member! I hope!!
Wednesday, December 1, 2021
My dad... (draft)
Everyone knows my dad at a difference glance within the kaleidoscope. I hope to hear more of who my dads was here today.
For me, I don't remember much before I was 10. Just bits and pieces before he and my moms divorce. I think I blocked it all out considering the hurt at the time. The next 10 years I spent with my mom and step father. Summers I would come to visit. We always made the trip to Dland and my beloved In-N-Out Burger. He'd always complain I ate him out of house and home... duh I was a teenager. And Sash would always take me under her wing to hang out and just chill.
When my oldest was born I was so proud to introduce his first grandson. I took video of him and Christian in our living room practicing on how to crawl. I remember that feeling like it was yesterday!
(find this video/pics)
Again, 2 years later he was here to watch Maddy crawl for the first time.
(ditto)
The most common memory is the greeting at the airport.. and the saying goodbye at the airport. Which honestly makes me the most sad. I know you're supposed to be upbeat about someones life. But what about telling everyone you care about TODAY you matter to me all the time!!!
Saturday, November 27, 2021
Feelings at Dads funeral. (draft still working on it)
I haven't posted since my dads death. I often do this on my blog... retreat, post then retreat again. It's my decision I don't have to write, no one expects me to. Yet.. it pulls me back. I feel a pull to write This pull doesn't connect me to others as I don't allow comments. It's more of a pull to write in a space that others and experience and feel what they feel. I often look back at old family videos and feel an intense love! But those same videos won't feel a inch of love from those who don't have connection to us. BECAUSE we're all becoming disconnected,, more so now then ever.
Friday, November 26, 2021
Saturday, November 6, 2021
OCD, no it isn’t about being a “neat freak”. #ocdrecovery
How does one get categorized with severe rather than run-of-the-mill OCD? I didn't know either! It's a point system in the DSM(the big book of what's mentally wrong w/ people). The more time spent on compulsions that disrupt your life, the higher you're categorized. My son would spend 3 or more HOURS stuck in that bathroom every night torturing himself! And if his compulsions got him stuck in the middle of the day, keep in mind we have ONE bathroom! But hey! We got to know our neighbors quite well LOL. Thinking back, I really should have used that time to drop seeds of Jesus in their living rooms while waiting for little Emma to pee. ;)
Today we're in a better place thanks to medication and a lot of weekly therapy. It didn't go so smoothly at first, as you can imagine. There were a lot of tears, both his and mine. I am also thankful for my amazing husband, who often had to take charge and Papa bear him to make it to those early therapy appointments. Imagine staying up all night with compulsions, only to have to turn around after just drifting off to sleep to attend a much HATED ERP (exposure and response therapy ((think torture and do nothing about it)).
I'll end this post on a funny note because the picture of our messy lives isn't always just doom and gloom. During one ERP session, the therapist took him into the neighborhood of a downtown city block. The goal was to touch as many germy gross objects and not wash hands for half the day. I know gross, but the chances of getting sick were low, and it was more important to get his life back than to worry about getting sick. Towards the end of the walk, she instructed him to touch a dumpster. As he reached out... OUT POPPED A HOMELESS DUDE! He didn't expect to get two exposures in one!!!
It’s like you have two brains – a rational brain and an irrational brain. And they’re constantly fighting.
– Emilie Ford
Wednesday, November 3, 2021
You will be missed Murphy!
Saturday, July 17, 2021
Celebration of life
Tuesday, June 22, 2021
Light at the end of the tunnel
Monday, April 19, 2021
Goodbye for now. I love you dad!
Saturday, September 12, 2020
Hazardous air conditions - Oregon Wildfires.
Thursday, August 13, 2020
Portland Back the Blue
Saturday, August 1, 2020
What's your John Wayne moment?
For my Grandma L*, I imagine her moment was the threat to cancel the play Hamilton. For her 90th birthday she was treated to a showing of the play with her closest friend. I listened to her play that soundtrack over and over again last time I visited her. Me, having never been to the play, I was sure to watch when it came out on Disney+ last week (better late then never)!
So what was M* John Wayne moment? At Starbucks drive-thru this afternoon I ordered her usual Pink Drink w/o the berries. EEEk they were all out of the main ingredient (Strawberry Acia). Not only were they locally out of this ingredient, ALL Starbucks in our area were not getting any new shipments. Nope, she didn't order an alternative drink, we tried our luck to scavenge a Pink Drink from MANY locations only to hear they too did not receive everyones beloved strawberry mix. Her go to response.. "I hate 2020!" First world problems..... it's a real thing!
https://www.hungry-girl.com/go-to-guides/four-things-starbucks-pink-drink
*note find personal pictures from our trip
Thursday, July 9, 2020
School Sucks!
Given current guidance from health and education authorities as well as recent trends in COVID 19 diagnoses, we do not expect a full return to schools in September.
While these three models are just broad outlines of the possibilities, we welcome your input as we continue the planning process. Please email your thoughts, questions, and concerns to XXXX
Monday, March 23, 2020
2020 Quarantine - Day 11
Wednesday, March 14, 2018
Precept to live by
Thursday, January 25, 2018
When you have silence.. do you smile or cry?
Smile
Smile, even though it’s breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
you’ll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You’ll see the sun come shining through
for you
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile what’s the use of crying
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile
If you’ll just Smile.